Grey Eyes and Golden Nightmares
by Ookami-chan
Summary: Every story has to come to an end... What if the end that comes is the last thing that any of Inuyasha's group suspects?
1. Fade to Grey

Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares 

Chapter 1

Kagome watched with a bizarre sense of helplessness as Naraku threw Inuyasha with blurring force against the cliffs surrounding his latest hiding place. Her heart was in her throat as she watched the impact, her mind distant and filled with the compelling pulse of something that she couldn't see. All she knew was the steady, undeniable force resting on her soul and holding her in place. 

She watched mouths moving, but heard nothing. She could feel the ground trembling beneath her, but she still remained still and impassive, completely unmoved at the edge of the violent fighting. They were all there in front of her, fighting a desperate, but losing battle as Naraku held the completed Shikon tauntingly before them.

Kagome wanted to look away from the sight, to follow her friends, but her eyes were drawn and held to the smoky orb whirling above his palm as though an invisible band held them connected. She followed the jewel hypnotically, not noticing the stray ripples of energy tearing at her clothing and causing welts and gashes to rise along her almost colorless flesh.

'You know what happens next, miko.'

Her eyes widened at the whisper, the only sound penetrating the haze that seemed to surround her mind. She opened her mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn't make the journey from her thought to her lips.

She _COULD_ see it.

Kagome gasped and fell back a step in horror as everything in front of her split and smeared, separate images overlapping what was already before her. Inuyasha had screamed angrily and launched himself at Naraku again, but abruptly changed course when Kagura attacked the remnant soul of Kikyou he had recalled to a new temporary body. Only to have the copycat Kikyou fire a shot that pierced his shoulder and sent him reeling into Naraku's restricting hold. Miroku was on his knees, sweating under the debilitating effects of the poisoned bees while Sango valiantly pushed her exhausted body to defend them.

She could see them dying.

Kagome raised her hands and screamed.

It may have been denial, or a warning, or even something as simple as pure rage at the thought of their deaths, not even Kagome was certain at that moment. But with the wordless cry, the scene in front of her gave a crystalline "_chink_" and instantly froze.

Kagome blinked in surprise, staring down at her hands and back up to the suspended battle in front of her. Naraku was frozen with a look of sadistic glee on his borrowed face, a tentacle poised over each of her friends and fed with steady waves of black energy from the corrupted power of the jewel. There was denial and regret in Miroku's eyes, the point scant inches from his face. Sango's eyes were hard and determined, but sad all at the same time with the razor point at her throat.

Inuyasha... 

He was making one last desperate swing with the Tetsusaiga, aiming for the hand with the spinning Shikon Jewel while the tentacle pierced his robes on its path into the flesh over his heart.

'They all die, Kagome.'

"No," Kagome whispered, shaking her head in denial as she stumbled into the macabre scene frozen in time to her unblinking, disbelieving eyes. "This isn't real. It can't be!" she stumbled to her knees below Inuyasha's bleeding form, her eyes trying frantically to memorize the lines of his face.

'But it is.'

"I won't let it end this way," her hands fisted and she turned to the source of the voice, focusing on the only thing free of the suspension.

The Shikon-no-Tama.

Kagome pushed herself to her feet, facing the spinning jewel determinedly, "I won't let Inuyasha die."

'There will be death, miko.'

"It won't be his," she shook her head viciously, her eyes dark with feeling and her voice miraculously unwavering.

'Will you stop time? Alter destiny? Do you truly think you are powerful enough for that? One little woman?'

Kagome stared at the jewel as it pulsed and melted down through Naraku's palm, sinking until it hovered just in front of her face. It continued to spin there, every pulse echoing through her aching chest as she lifted her hands to cup around it grimly, "I'll have to be."

'Why do you even care? He is only a hanyou.'

"I won't let him die. No matter what it takes."

'Not even you will be able to hold off Death when it comes,' the frozen landscape trembled as the jewel flashed, slamming through her chest. Kagome let out a choked, startled gasp, stumbling back and pressing her hand up to her heart in pure reflex. It was shaking as she drew it back and stared down at her stained palm.

"Gray…?" Why was the blood on her hand gray?

'Everything fades to gray, little miko, when the life dies.'

"Am I dead?"

'Were you ever really alive?'

Kagome shook her head in confusion as her legs began to go numb, sliding to her knees as she continued to gape at the gray blood staining the front of her white kimono. Morbidly facinated at the dark liquid trailing along paler gray flesh, she whispered, "I don't… understand…"

'Will you live after your purpose is served? Do you know? Do you even want to…?'

Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head in denial of the words and obeying some unspoken directive, reached up to the wound again. She paused, her fingers pulling back in instinctive horror when she could feel the tips brush against something inside her chest that she should have never felt.

Her heart.

'Do you even know what your purpose is?'

At the taunt, her eyes narrowed, "I'm not the little girl that fell through the well anymore. I haven't been that girl for a long time. My purpose is to destroy Naraku and give Inuyasha the Shikon-no-Tama."

'Even in death?'

"Inuyasha will not die," Kagome's voice hardened, her hand steadying and reaching into her chest to where she could feel the steady pulse of the jewel within her. Her body lurched when she closed her fingers around it, but she still felt nothing but the odd texture of the ruined flesh against her skin. She let out a shuddering breath, her mind rebelling at the very idea even as the compulsion inside grew stronger. Her entire frame shook as she drew it out of her body with her eyes clenched shut and her stomach turning.

When she convinced her eyes to open, she stared with disconnected confusion at her heart in her palm, eyes wide and glassy. With each pulse it changed from her heart to the jewel and back again, cold in her hand and just as gray as the blood had been. The sound was deafening in her ears, but the beat was unnatural, the heart perfectly still until the jewel took its place and pulsed on its own. The longer she stared, the more the color around her was slowly draining from her sight until everything was in the same cold, feelingless gray to her eyes.

'Do you not see its beauty, miko? The life that beats within the jewel? The soul?'

"Four souls," Kagome corrected, closing her eyes again when she felt her hands grow cold, the feeling slowly seeping up her arms.

'The jewel that brings to life the darkest desires of the heart.'

"Unless it's used for a pure wish," she repeated the words that had been drilled into her for seven years, since she had first been forced to open her eyes to the legend of the Shikon jewel.

'And you think a hanyou can make such a wish?'

"I can feel the difference between an evil soul and a good one after so long," her brows drew together, but no matter how angry she knew she should be she felt only emptiness. Her feelings just as dulled as the world around her. "Maybe once I could have made the mistake… before I understood the game I was playing."

'Life has a way of breaking us, miko.'

"Inuyasha has been broken enough."

'You cannot stop Death. I thought you had learned that lesson already.'

"I was weak before," Kagome denied, forcing her eyes to open at look at her numb hands as she lifted her other to cup the heart/jewel in between them both. "This time will be different."

'You already know you will watch them be killed.'

She looked up in alarm at the change in the voice echoing from the jewel. The inhabitants of the frozen world around her twitching for just a moment before the scene abruptly jolted to motion. Kagome's eyes were already closing when Naraku followed his attacks through in a blinding rush.

"NO!!"

~

Kagome shot up, panting hard and clutching her hand over her racing heart as her gaze swept around the quiet grove with blurry disorientation. Shaking so hard she could feel her muscles protesting, she brushed her hand over her face, only mildly surprised when her hand came away cold and covered with her own tears.

It was hard, much harder than the other nights as she pressed her palms to the soft grass, sliding out of her sleeping bag and backing up to brace herself up against the thick tree at her back. She tucked her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees with painstaking care and burying her face in the cradle of limbs as she tried to soothe her own trembling, 'A nightmare… just another nightmare…'

"Kagome-sama," the quiet, soothing cadence of the voice so close beside her made her jump, slamming her back hard into the unyielding wood as her glassy eyes shot up to find the owner kneeling at her side.

Miroku frowned in concern at the momentary, almost blind panic in her eyes… There was something different in her eyes tonight, wrong… They were almost flat, emotionless, with a thick rim of gray around the normal blue. In all the nights he'd witnessed her late aswakenings, this was the first time she had looked like this. Or felt so very cold… "Kagome-sama, are you all right? What happened?"

Kagome blinked, trying to clear they grayish haze from the edges of her vision as she swallowed hard and shook her head, "I'm fine, Miroku-sama… Just …just a nightmare. It's stupid really."

The monk sat down, shaking his head as he reached out and pressed his bare palm to her forehead, "Kagome-sama, it's not stupid if it has caused you such distress, nor if it has caused such an unhealthy aura to surround you."

She reached up, her eyes somber and searching as she took his wrist, "Is it unhealthy? What do you feel in me now?"

Miroku's brows drew together sharply at the sharp edge coloring her voice, an edge of almost frightened desperation that chilled his own heart. He carefully set his staff aside, reaching out to take her hands and slowly pull her upwards into his lap. Kagome squirmed briefly, half-heartedly, but he just sat back, folding his legs and arms around her to pin her against him. He was physically stronger than she was, and the past had taught her that he wouldn't release her until he was certain she was calmed and answering his questions.

"Miroku-sama, please…" Kagome's eyes clenched shut, but her fingers curled in his robes as she felt his warmth seep into her.

"You have been doing this nearly every night, Kagome-sama," Miroku lifted his hand to gently stroke her hair, unable to hide the concern in his voice. "Why are you trying to keep this from us? '_What'_ are you trying to keep from us?"

Kagome shook her head, her arms slowly sliding around his waist, "They're only dreams."

Miroku reached up with his cursed hand, urging her face back enough to meet her eyes. He gently touched a fingertip to the edge of the pale scar that started at her right cheekbone and traced it all the way up across the bridge of her nose, "I think you have faced more than enough on your own, Kagome."

Kagome blushed faintly, still a bit unused to being so familiar with the monk even though it had steadily become less and less formal between them once the others were asleep or away. She shook her head as she lifted her hand to catch his and draw it away from the long-healed injury, "My problems are really stupid compared to what everyone else has gone through, Miroku."

He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, turning carefully to lean against the same tree she'd been using for that purpose a moment ago, "You're not any less important than any of us. As much as we all wished you would never be so direct a focus of Naraku's evil… I am sorry you had to join us in that way."

"It was no one's fault but mine," Kagome shook her head. "I should have known better."

"_We_ should have been prepared," he gripped her chin and forced her to look up. "Is that what the nightmares are about?"

"Not so much anymore," she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder as she tried to banish the crystal clear images of her friends' faces frozen at the point of death. "They're… different now. Darker."

Miroku let her lie quietly against him, her arms tight around his waist as he continued to stroke her hair. His eyes moved thoughtfully over the young kitsune cuddled up with Sango on the other side of the grove, their faces relaxed with slumber and missing the usual grim strain that was far too frequent these days.

"You won't hurt any of us, Kagome," Miroku murmured against her hair, glaring up at the empty trees for the absent hanyou. He was leaving earlier every night, searching the surroundings until morning and apparantly only stopping for a quick nap when his energy was completely gone.

Each night it was the same, Inuyasha would wait until they had camped, pulling Kagome aside where they spoke in low tones. Sometimes it was only a few words, other times Inuyasha would glare at them and pull Kagome off into the woods for a longer conversation. He would return her before he left, Kagome always looking away from him, but catching his hand and squeezing as he walked past. Their fingers would linger until there was only the tips touching before he moved too far out of the way for them to reach.

Kagome would smile brightly at them, but her eyes were subdued as she practiced with her bow before moving on to the close-contact skills she was learning from both Miroku and Sango. Yet Kagome was always much more relaxed with him than with the exterminator… She still loved the girl, it was apparent, but there was a stilted air between them.

Ever since Kagome had sealed the well.

Since she had been scarred.

It was hard to say who tried to take the most blame for what had happened, and in four years that silent argument was still going strong. Kagome still insisted that it hadn't been anyone's fault but hers, holding her guilt inside beside her attempts to be the bright, cheerful girl they had all come to know and love. Inuyasha had been enraged, only Miroku privy to the snarling fits that leveled sections of forests when the hanyou was remembering. He would wind down, panting and swearing quietly that he should have been there for her. Miroku's own guilt was similar to Inuyasha's, but he knew it paled in comparison.

Sango blamed herself for not preventing it the way she could have a hundred times before despite Kagome's constant assurance that she didn't once think of that. Or wish that Sango had. Yet at the same time, Kagome had even more guilt over making the choice she'd never felt the right to make. She'd confided in him years ago that she felt she'd stolen something precious from the girl, and her stubbornness unfortunately carried over to taking the blame for things beyond her control.

Miroku knew that as long as he lived, he'd never forget that day Inuyasha had brought her through the well. The hanyou had been literally shaking with rage, his eyes flashing and unfocused as he held her protectively to his chest.

Kagome had been unconscious, pale and bleeding from so many wounds that for a moment he'd been afraid she was dead. It wasn't until Inuyasha had taken her to Kaede-baba's, and been certain she was treated and resting that he told them what he'd seen.

They'd all had a bad feeling, but when Inuyasha caught Naraku's scent near the well, he'd gone straight to Kagome's time as fast as his blood could take him. Only to find out he was arriving too late to be of much help.

He had found her in the largest room of her house, the wall a shattered broken mess that left the interior fully exposed to the courtyard. The entire Shrine was on fire and collapsing around her and her family. 

She had been holding Souta to her chest, rocking the boy with a blank look in her eyes that had terrified him. Her brother had been as badly wounded as she was, as well as her mother beside her. It had been obvious at a glance that her grandfather was dead, his body torn and crumpled against a gashed and smoking wall behind them.

Kagome had been surrounded by violent, visible arcs of power, those arcs stroking over the wood and furniture and leaving even more flames in their wake. He'd taken enough time to dodge the wild energy, grab the three living Higurashis, and get them out of the house before it collapsed. She'd latched onto his robes when he tried to set her down, awkwardly fumbling with one hand and pressing something sharp into his palm with amazing force for a human.

A shikon shard.

Inuyasha had been glaring at that shard as he told them what he'd seen, going on to say that Kagome begged him to bring her back to the past when they heard the shrill whine of something she called sirens. But she'd amended that and told him that she wanted to make certain the healers took her mother and brother away.

He'd been afraid to argue, hiding in the deep shadows of the well house while silent tears tracked down her cheeks and she murmured her family members' names like a mantra. He'd been close to dragging her back to Kaede's despite her desires, completely conscious of the blood sliding over his skin and dampening his clothing when the humans came into view. Kagome had gone silent while they watched men in identical white costumes strap both mother and son onto long stretchers, using all sorts of things Inuyasha had never seen before. When they were out of sight, leaving only the odd shaped figures fighting the fire, Kagome had buried her face against his chest and whispered for him to go. Only telling him who had attacked her just as he dropped into the well with her.

"I'm sorry I keep waking you, Miroku," Kagome's quiet whisper snapped him out of the grim reverie that replayed through all their heads far too often.

Miroku dropped his head down onto the top of her head, wrapping his arms around her more securely and rocking her gently, "I am already awake keeping watch while Inuyasha searches for rumors. It's my pleasure to give you comfort."

She smiled in affectionate amusement at the particularly debonair affectation he'd put into his voice, leaning up and brushing a light kiss over his lips, "You are the most wonderful friend, hentai."

His eyes were still sad even as his lips quirked and his slid a hand down to rub the curve of her backside, "You could always agree to bear me a child as reward for being such a wonderful friend, Kagome."

He was smiling warmly when she actually giggled, snuggling against him and shaking her head, "I love you, Miroku, not that kind of love, but I do love you. Maybe… maybe if things don't work the way… we hope."

Miroku closed his eyes, bringing his hand up to her chin to tilt her face up, "If things don't work out the way we hope, better with a friend than alone?"

Kagome lifted her hand to his cheek, "At least we both understand rejection."

The monk gave an exaggerated sigh of mock sadness, rubbing his cheek into her palm, "Aa, but your rejection does not leave bruises or have the potential to break bones."

The giggle bubbled up and over again, some of the gray leaving her eyes as she covered her lips with her hand, "Maybe if you would take my advice once in a while it would be less painful."

"Or maybe I should have fallen in love with a less violent woman," he sighed, gazing with unabashed longing across the fire to Sango's sleeping face.

Kagome let her arms fall back around his waist, tucking up in his lap as he spread his robes over her with extra care, "The way I fell in love with a cocky, anti-social hanyou who loved my previous incarnation?"

"We have horrible taste, Kagome," Miroku teased, kissing her cheek.

"No arguement," she wrinkled her nose, a yawn easing free as his warmth and teasing finally reached the ice-cold core left behind by her nightmares. It was the only way she ever got back to sleep, surrounded by strong, warm arms and feeling protected. With Inuyasha gone at night, she'd grown used to taking comfort from the monk, and always with the same promise, "Don't forget to move before sunrise. Inuyasha wouldn't undertand."

And always the same response, "Tell him about the nightmares, Kagome."

Kagome shook her head, "It wouldn't be fair to him. I will not be an obligation just because I can't control my own mind when I'm sleeping."

"It's unhealthy to hide this from the others," he scolded lightly, reaching out to make sure his staff was within arm's reach before he settled himself more comfortably. "The aura that surrounds you when you wake is painful to feel. You don't deserve that kind of misery."

"I'm just on edge, Miroku," she assured him, her eyes half open and graying again as she stared off into the dark woods. The grayscale haze dancing at the edges of her peripheral vision wider than she remembered, "We can all feel the end getting closer."

"That doesn't mean we want you to put aside your own health," Miroku shook his head, looking at his cursed hand somberly.

Kagome's hand slid over his, ignoring the bite of the prayer beads as she tugged his hand down into her lap and gave it a squeeze, "I will not take the chance that something I do or say could will lose any time when we aren't sure how much we have left."

"Not sure how much longer you can hold back the void, Kagome?" he forced his voice to remain steady and light, but the sound fell flat. They were both well aware that if her powers hadn't been so startlingly, massively awakened, he would have been out of time years ago. It wasn't an event that either of them would be able to forget.

A girl could never forget her first kiss.

  
  
Next Page


	2. Every Game Has an End

Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all belong to Rumiko Takashi...

A/N: Awww.... thanks for all the reviews already! You guys are fabulous, and yes, Quickening, of course I liked your story. *rolls eyes* Honestly... some people have no conception of their own talent. *waits for the wrath of futago to come down on her head over that remark* LOL, I actually posted this at Cataluna's request after I wrote it up for Himiko. She wanted to see what my take would be on the possible end of the series so... here it is. *shrugs and giggles* Sorry if any of you are confused, but you're kinda supposed to be. ^___~

_Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares_

Chapter 2

Kagome was muttering to herself as she came over the edge of the well, wincing as her tired body protested the action, _Mou… maybe I should have waited for Inuyasha to come back and help before I came home. He's going to be pissed when he gets to the village and finds out I'm not there._

She stubbornly banished that thought almost as soon as it had come, her already frayed temper straining a bit more over the imagined difficulty she'd soon be having with the over-protective hanyou. He was always the worst after battles where any of them were injured, especially her, even if it had been nothing more than some bruising and lingering pain. It wasn't like this was the first time some youkai had slammed her into something, after all, and she doubted it was going to be the last. She'd just have to sit the boy down and have a long, serious talk about these quirks in his reasoning.

"Three years and that jerk has yet to figure out that I'm not exactly fragile," she huffed, grateful to have foregone her pack in her current condition. She still knew better than to go anywhere without her bow and arrows, both currently slung across her back, but despite her assurances to the others that she would be fine, the added weight of the bag may have very well made the simple act impossible.

She was looking forward to a hot bath, some good food, and a bit of relaxation until her ever-present protector came barging into the shrine to drag her back. Her thoughts already wandering in that direction as she gripped the shoji and carelessly shoved it open.

Only to come to a perfect halt on the other side.

How she had missed the unmistakable pulse of the Shikon shard she would never know, yet it was there… A sharp pang amidst the unnatural stillness of the shrine's courtyard, tainting the air with an oppressive feel at least ten times worse than the only other shard she'd ever sensed here, the Noh mask…

"No… oh no…" she whispered in horrified disbelief, her head snapping around to the source of the shard as her heart lodged in her throat.

Kagome didn't remember the process that brought her bow into her hand; she didn't remember stringing the arrow.

When her mind reconnected with her surroundings, the arrow was already fired, racing across the courtyard just as she found her voice to scream, "NO!! Get away from them!!"

The sickle coming down towards her grandfather's collapsed body rang out with a sharp whine when her arrow connected, knocking it aside to disrupt the deadly swing. Kagome was shaking violently, another arrow already in place as vacant eyes turned slowly to look at her. Hearing the shout, Souta's eyes snapped open, turning frantically to find his sister and filling with nearly painful relief, "Nee-chan!!"

"Souta! Get back!" Kagome called back, not daring to look away. "Kohaku! Get away from my family or the next one is going through you." _Please, move away… I don't want to do this…_

The young taijiya straightened slowly, flicking the wrist of the hand still holding the chain to bring his weapon back into his hand. Those blank, lifeless eyes met hers over the concealing facemask, sending a menacing shiver of apprehension trailing coldly down her spine.

"Nee-chan! Behind you!" Souta screamed just as Kagome felt an arm come around her throat, slamming her back against something unyielding but… furry? The bow went clattering to the ground as she reflexively grabbed at the restricting hold.

Kagome's startled scream cut off at the sudden force against her windpipe, her stomach turning when she heard the razor smooth voice whisper at her ear, "I'm so glad you could join us, miko."

"N…ara…" she attempted to grit out the hated name, her head spinning as she pulled uselessly against the much stronger force slowly depleting her oxygen supply.

"Amazing… you managed to hide an entire world from me," Naraku murmured as he lifted his head to look around the shrine traumatized by his attack. The side of the house facing the well nearly destroyed, ripped apart and crumbling where they had broken through to drag her family out into the courtyard. His lips quirked as he looked at the woman kneeling in front of Kohaku, her arms protectively around a young boy who looked terrified but angry at the same time. "There is such passion in your bloodlines… And so many possibilities here! I will have to come personally once you are destroyed… See to this world where I sense so little youki... so very few to oppose me. "

He smirked as he looked down at the unconscious old man, when he felt Kagome's gaze fall in that direction the same time her mother's did. Human emotions were so easily manipulated, "Or should I keep you alive? Taint you as I did the jewel's guardian before you? I would hate to waste such power… or such a direct connection to this strange place."

"Fu…ck… y…ou!" tears streamed from her closed eyes, steadily, helplessly.

This was just too unreal, like a nightmare. This was her world! Her time! Naraku was a thing of the past… he just couldn't be here! It was the one thing in all their travels that she had never thought possible, never gave so much as a passing thought to. It had to be a dream, an illusion… Anything!

"That could certainly be one way to taint you, miko," Naraku laughed coldly, grabbing her chin roughly with his other hand and forcing her to survey the destruction of her home. Satisfied with the way she stiffened, and the wetness spilling onto his arm, he turned her to face her brutalized family held captive by the glassy-eyed Kohaku.

"Look at it, Kagome," he eased off just enough pressure on her throat to make sure she didn't pass out yet. "Destruction, pain, fear… Can't you see how beautiful it is? How pure? There is nothing in all the world that is more honest than this."

"Let them go, Naraku," Kagome's voice was harsh, rough from her near asphyxiation by the changeling hanyou. She had to pause when her throat protested with a fit of coughing before she could force out in strained gasps, "They… aren't a part… of this."

"Of course they are, miko," he smirked cruelly, jerking her face up and around to meet his scarlet eyes. "They are a part of you, are they not? You are the heart of all of this… The Shikon-no-Tama reappeared with you." 

"They have nothing to do with the past!" she protested fiercely.

"Then you should not have left such a convenient portal for me to find," the smirk turned sadistically arrogant as he turned his own gaze up to Kohaku. "The Shikon-no-Tama is mine, miko, and I will kill any insignificant creature who stands in the way of me attaining it. Human, youkai, or hanyou.

"And to prove it to you, I will start with your family," he turned her face back.

Without the slightest warning or provocation, even before Naraku had stopped speaking, Kohaku raised his sickle and knelt, sinking the blade through the back of her grandfather's neck.

Kagome had no idea who screamed.

It may have been Souta, her mother, herself… it may even have been all three of them, she couldn't have said if her life depended on it. All she knew was that the breath of stunned silence that followed Kohaku's action was violently shattered by the most heart-wrenching scream of pain, denial, and rage that she had even heard in her lifetime.

However, in the same moment, when Kagome felt her entire world turn upside down, she had a flash of crystal clarity.

Followed by a staggering rush of scorching heat.

Kagome gripped Naraku's restraining arm with a low cry of rage, feeling her magic rushing through her like a tidal wave. It was a rush of such thick, dizzying force that for a split second, Kagome nearly passed out, her head swimming with a surreal sense of disconnection. She held it at bay when the puppet's arm melted under her hands, stubborn determination restoring her equilibrium in a heartbeat.

She whirled around once the force holding her captive was removed, slamming her burning hands against his chest with a snarl. For a second in time, she had the perverse gratification of seeing the puppet's face, Naraku's face, fill with shock and even a hint of fear as the massive excess of purifying magic burned him away to nothing.

The relief was short lived when something lanced hard across her face, crashing her backwards to slam against the ruined exterior of her home.

Kagome heard the blood pounding in her ears, her entire vision losing focus and bleeding into a hazy mix of grey and bloody red as she pushed herself up. So intent was she on the source of the unexpected attack that she failed to notice the way the stone melted beneath her hands, traces of flame snaking out from her aura striking the wood and beginning to smolder.

She saw only Kohaku.

She suffered a faint blink of confusion when she saw the pale flames cling to the dark fluid staining his sickle, the bizarre sparking staying with the droplets as they spattered to the ground. Her eyes followed the sizzling spots of what she figured had to be blood, despite her bizarre inability to tell what color it was to her black and white vision.

Her eyes widened with sudden realization, blackened fingers lifting to touch her face before bringing them back into her line of sight, '_My face… But I… I don't feel anything…_'

Kohaku turned, lifting his weapon towards her mother and Souta, the move snapping her out of her shock with a sharp, enraged cry.

The taijiya's pause was all she needed to launch herself across the courtyard, ducking her shoulder to crash her slight weight against his own and send them both to the ground in a tangle of limbs.

They rolled, both grappling for control of the blade until Kohaku dragged them forcefully to a halt. Straddling her waist and putting all of his weight into pushed the point of his sickle inexorably closer to her heart.

Kagome's hands were bleeding freely where she gripped the razor edge, arms shaking with the effort to keep it at bay while she felt the weight of the point touch her sternum. Whatever it was, adrenaline, magic, something else… she just hoped that the reason for her numb state didn't give out on her anytime soon.

The point pressed deeper, and Kagome's heart froze at the sudden scream from her right, "Get off my sister!"

"Souta, NO!!" Kagome reared up just as Kohaku twisted his wrist to catch the long chain, snapping the weighted end out to catch her brother around the neck and yank him to the ground.

Snarling in anger, Kagome leaned up the rest of the way to grab hold of Kohaku's throat, heedless to the sickle rending her shirt and slicing the skin down her chest.

Kohaku made a choked sound, giving the chain another yank to send Souta back into their mother with enough force that both went smashing back through the broken wall to the living room.

Kagome's magic had already been arching in bright flames, flaring even hotter as tears poured down her cheeks, her eyes on the crumbling wall. She had never felt pain like this, pain from deep in her soul as her attention was pulled back to the taijiya trying to rise in an effort to escape the deadly purification.

"No," Kagome threw all her weight and magic forward, subconsciously memorizing he wide-eyed look on Kohaku's face as the Shikon shard gave off a discordant ping and broke loose.

The stones beneath her were melting again, whiplashes of flames jumping crazily around the courtyard for the moment life, realization, and fear filled the young boy's eyes…

_ For the moment Kagome's magic burned his body to ashes._


	3. Crying for the Last Time

_Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares_

Chapter 3

There should have been noise.

That abstract thought intruded into Kagome's dazed mind as she lay surrounded by a vibrating heat that she was distantly aware should have killed her or at the very least brought her pain. But it was her next thought that brought her senses tumbling back to the present.

'_Is this how it felt to die, Kikyou…?'_

Kagome blinked, her eyes clearing, but her vision still blurred and gray around the edges. She clenched her eyes shut, shaking her head in an effort to correct that abnormality, and yet it stubbornly remained. She finally gave up on that, working her protesting arms beneath her to push herself up to her knees. The first thing that greeted her eyes was Kohaku's sickle, and wedged in the joint of the chain, the Shikon fragment that had kept him alive.

Numbly she reached out, one burned and soot smeared hand shakily taking the jewel fragment and clenching it so fiercely she could feel it pierce the flesh of her palm. The other hand slowly closed around the handle of the weapon that had killed her grandfather, destroyed her home… 

"Okaa-san… _Souta!!_" Kagome shot to her feet and shouted at the top of her lungs when the memory came roaring back in a painful slam.

She spun on her heel, turning towards the house, but instinctively falling back in horror when she saw the flames steadily rising to consume what was left of the shrine she had been born and raised in. "No," she whispered almost silently, one hand lifting to her mouth in denial before she shook her head violently, screaming again as she started running.

Later, in dreams and nightmares, she may have wondered how she got through the heavy debris… In those same dreams, she would even wonder why again that the fire didn't burn, or that she felt nothing from her own badly abused body.

Now, however, the only thought repeating through her head was that what was left of her family was in that house, and she had to save them.

**_They are a part of you, are they not?_** Naraku's mocking words slipped unbidden into her mind, repeating in a grotesque echo as she reached the living room. Skidding to a halt as she found her mother and brother crumpled in awkward positions on the floor amidst ruined furniture and their own blood, **_You are the heart of all this…_**

"Mama…"

**_The Shikon-no-Tama reappeared with you._**

"Souta…"

Kagome dropped to her knees, her voice broken in shock and agony as her body began to shake, suddenly cold despite the heat all around her.

**_You should not have left such a convenient portal for me to find…_**

"_Kagome!!!_"

If she heard the frantic scream from outside, she gave no sign. She stayed between her mother and Souta, shoulders slumped under a crushing wave of guilt and defeat as blinding tears mixed with the blood pouring freely down her face to stain the ground around her. Her fingers shook as she reached out and grabbed onto Souta, dragging her little brother up against her chest while she stared ahead at the wall without seeing anything. All she focused on was the faint thump of her battered little brother's heart against her burned arms.

"Jii-chan…"

"_KAGOME!!!_"

Her hair billowed out madly when the rest of the wall was ripped away, but she didn't so much as blink. She was still staring blankly ahead, her powers sparking heatedly around her, but otherwise unresponsive as a strong arm banded around her waist like a vice and yanked her up off her feet. She barely noticed Souta's unconscious slide down her body to lie in a crumbled heap below her. It actually wasn't until the arm started to turn her away from her family that she reacted, kicking and fighting wildly as he voice rose to a nearly hysterical pitch, "_NO!!_ I can't leave them; let _go!!_"

"I _WILL_ knock you out if I have to, but I'm getting you the fuck out of here, Kagome!" Inuyasha snarled violently, yanking her around face to face. The moment he had her turned to him, however, his expression filled with shock and then horror, "You're… you're hurt! Kagome!"

"They'll die!" her hands tangled in his haori and yanked him forward, making him wince at the heat she was throwing off. Her disoriented mind had yet to fully register just who this was that she was looking at, so sunk into traumatized shock, that by all rights she should have been unconscious by now. "Don't you get it?! I can't let my family die! I _CAN'T!!_"

"Calm down! I'll get them, Kagome," he promised urgently, grabbing her chin and pulling her face back when she tried to turn. "Kagome, look at me! _Look!_ Don't take your eyes off me. I'll get you all out, okay?"

Kagome was starting to hyperventilate, her eyes locking onto the concerned amber in front of her like a lifeline, the one clear and stable thing in her violently upset world. She knew those eyes… but her thoughts weren't cooperating, refusing to put a name to the face that was bringing a measure of calm to her soul, "I… know you." She murmured in confusion, reaching a shaking hand up to touch his face, "Don't I?"

Inuyasha didn't have time to be shocked, his attention snapping up when the ceiling above them gave an ominous creaking sound. Swearing darkly in frustration and more than a little alarm, he ducked down and put his shoulder into Kagome's stomach, knocking the wind out of her, "Dammit! I have to get you _out_ of here!" Swinging back to her family, he barked up at her, "Hang onto me, Kagome, so I can get your family! I need both my hands!"

That cut through her befuddlement enough that she grabbed onto him, fisting her hands so hard that the torn skin of her palms split further, and the Shikon shard bit deeper. Inuyasha bent down, looping and arm around her mother's waist before doing the same to her brother. He was up and out in a flash of scarlet and white, darting out of the wreckage of her home and turning grimly just as that side of the house collapsed in on itself.

His gaze dropped to the two humans in his arms and over along the trail of blood to her grandfather's corpse, ears flattening as he slowly crouched to ease them onto the blackened stones of the courtyard. '_If I had come back any later…_' he swallowed hard against the wave of relief that filled him, sweeping over the angry guilt at being glad to see Kagome hadn't been the smell of death he'd caught when he arrived.

Anxious to see to Kagome now that her two living family members had been carefully laid out, he reached up to grab her waist and dragged her forward. She was already starting to slump on her knees between his spread legs when he hooked his hands under her arms to support her, shaking her once, "Kagome! Dammit, Kagome, open your eyes! …Please!"

Kagome felt herself being jostled, her head starting to pound even as she heard that familiar voice, but it was foggy… like he was speaking through a tunnel, "I… I don't…"

"_Now!_"

Kagome winced at the anger in that voice, but there was something in it that made her want to listen and comply with its demand. She let out a faint whimper of frustration and shook her head before she opened eyes that were bleary and unfocused to stare at the blurred figure so close up. Her brow furrowed and she began blinking rapidly, but his hands caught her wrists when she tried to lift them to rub and restore her vision that way.

"Don't touch your face," he instructed in a sharp bark. "Just breathe, Kagome. Deep breaths, you're out of the fire, your mother and brother are right here and they're alive." _Dear gods, let them stay that way…_

She finally started to follow his direction, breathing deeply and trying to calm herself enough for some measure of clear thought. Her gaze turned up as her tears finally washed out whatever had been causing the obstruction, and the hanyou slowly came into focus. Her eyes very slowly went wide; her body starting to shake all over again as the cool air finally eased her into connecting just who it was in front of her. 

Kagome flung herself against his chest, arms wrapping almost chokingly tight around his neck as she sobbed out, "Inuyasha!"

Startled by the abrupt action, but needing contact himself all the same, his arms came around her forcefully, nearly crushing her to his chest as he buried his face in her hair and reassured himself that she was all right. The smell of blood and flame, fear and anguish, was almost stifling to his senses, but not so thick that he couldn't smell Naraku's stench all around them… the smell he'd come racing to follow through the well the moment he'd returned to the village.

"Kagome, what happened?!" his eyes closed tightly, hands biting into her from how fierce his grip had become.

Kagome, however, was trying to curl up as small as she could go in the protective circle of his arms, shaking her hand and trying to block out everything but him. She pressed her face into his throat, silently begging him not to push her for explanations as she tried to restrict her focus only to him, terrified that if she didn't, she would lose her mind. Her hand was shaking as she yanked it away from his neck and grabbed the hand at her waist, slapping her palm against his and squeezing so hard he thought she just might have the strength to break a few bones.

Then he felt the sharp edges digging into his skin, and the unmistakable flush of power that told him exactly what she had just pressed into his hand. 

Inuyasha's entire being clenched in his guilt at not having foreseen something like this happening. Not once had he thought he would ever see a day that he would be sitting amongst the smoldering ruins of Kagome's home, holding her while she silently sobbed like her soul was being ripped in two. His eyes went to her motionless mother and brother before going to her grandfather, arms wrapping even more completely around her to press her into his chest while his ears flattened back as far as they could go.

"I'm sorry, Kagome… I'm so sorry," he whispered into her hair, squeezing his eyes shut to the scene in front of him.

He had no idea how long he sat rocking her, murmuring god-knows-what in his efforts to soothe her when his ears twitched and caught the high-pitched whine coming closer at a fast pace. His brows furrowed as he looked up and around, trying to smell past the sulfur and blood of the shrine for anyone coming close, a dangerous growl vibrating from his throat as he pulled her closer.

"Kagome… I think humans are coming," he whispered quietly in her ear, still fearful of making any sudden moves or loud noises to her. He had seen animals _and_ people react violently to such things after trauma, and Kagome was still caught up in her own personal hell. "I hear screaming, like at that other fire I saw."

"Sirens," Inuyasha hadn't thought it possible, but she hunched up even smaller against him, wrapping around him so tightly he thought he'd break something before he pulled her off if he were to try to extricate himself. Her voice was wavering, but absolutely certain as she whispered back, "Take me back! I can't… I don't want… they can't see me."

Normally he would have agreed in an instant, but even an idiot could tell the wounds she'd sustained were serious and her time had much better healers, "But…"  


"_Please!_"

His eyes clenched shut at the raw emotion in that plea, "Kagome…"

"I want to go home, Inuyasha," Kagome sobbed against his neck, voice pitched like a little girl, and her words almost unrecognizable through her tears. "I can't stay here."

Inuyasha swallowed hard, looking from her family to her ruined, crumbling house and back to the well house before his eyes closed and he nodded, "All right, Kagome. I'll take you home."

He felt her eyes close, her body going almost completely lax with her relief, "Thank you."

Inuyasha winced at that, getting his feet under him and lifting her carefully to cradle against his chest. The smell of her blood was getting stronger, making him edgy the way it always did. He wanted to kill something, rip into what had caused her pain piece by piece… but she _needed_ him there. His arms tightened on her as he leapt for the other end of the courtyard, slipping through the half open shoji with thoughtless grace.

He would have continued straight through to the well, but Kagome suddenly clenched her fist in his haori, "Wait."

"What is it?" his attention snapped down to her, ears twitching madly as the sirens rapidly drew closer.

"I have to make sure," she whispered fiercely, lifting her face and making Inuyasha cringe all over again at seeing the vicious slash across her face. It would have taken her right eye if she'd been cut any higher, but that wasn't much consolation at seeing the amount of blood covering her face and staining the once white, uniform blouse. 

"I have to see them come to take Souta and Mama," her hands tugging at him broke his focus from the wound, drawing his eyes to the gray orbs in her unnaturally pale face. "I need to know they're going to get to the hospital."

Inuyasha bit his lip, glancing between the well and the courtyard before nodding and crouching down beside the door. He reached out and dragged the shoji almost completely closed, one arm tight around her waist to hold her close, "You need a healer too, Kagome. You'll lose too much blood if we don't go soon."

"I don't feel anything, Inuyasha," she shook her head, one hand wrapping around his forearm, as much for balance as to reassure herself that he was there and very much solid. "I don't know if I can…"

He stared at her profile, dying to demand what she meant by that vague statement as the sun started to sink, making the light of the flames outside that much brighter and the shadows around them equally deeper. But he could feel her blood, sliding hot and thick over his chest, his hands, even onto his thighs as he held her protectively. He couldn't take the risk of aggravating those injuries and doing further damage, and he bit down hard on his tongue to keep silent when she turned back to peer out at the courtyard.

She still hadn't stopped crying.

It felt like time had frozen around them as she started to whisper the names of her family over and over again, her entire body shaking as though he'd pulled her from ice rather than flames.

Inuyasha was fighting a losing battle with his conscience the longer they waited for those screaming sounds to come close. Visions of Kagome bleeding to death while he sat holding her and waiting for these humans to appear shot through his head one after the other until he was nearly snarling in his denial of those images. His muscles had just tensed to lift them both towards the well, humans be damned, when Kagome went rigid and sucked in sharp breath.

He went still, turning his focus back out to see humans in odd suits pouring into the courtyard, some so covered not even their faces could be seen while others wearing solid white and carrying smaller versions of Kagome's bag in a red color went straight for her mother and Souta.

Kagome let out a shuddering breath, sensing Inuyasha's confusion and whispering, "Paramedics… healers."

Inuyasha's ears flipped forward to listen, but there wasn't much he actually understood in the bizarre words they were using. The only thing he recognized was their observation about the loss of blood and the fact that they were still alive, only the last of which he murmured to Kagome. The odd humans moved around the unconscious pair in a flurry of unfamiliar instruments before more of the white men brought out long, flat orange boards and strapped them down.

His eyes followed their progress as Kagome's remaining family was carried away, nearly unrecognizable for all the tubes and bandages, while those white men barked orders and directions to the other uniformed men until they disappeared down the steps. 

For the painfully long period of time they had seemed to wait for their arrival, the healers had moved remarkably fast…

Kagome's face pressing up against his chest brought his attention from the curiosity of how her world worked with a renewed twinge of guilt. He immediately lost interest in the strange men shooting water at the flaming shrine from long tubes and tugged her back away from the door, "Kagome?"

"We need to get out of here," her voice was nearly inaudible even to him, weak enough to start his heart pounding in alarm. "They'll look in here soon. We can't be here."

Inuyasha was on his feet, one arm going under her knees to cradle her against his chest as he hopped down to the rim of the well. His eyes dropped to her, brows furrowing in growing concern the more she slumped against him, "Hang on, Kagome. I'll have you at Kaede-babaa's in no time."

Something went clattering to the ground with a metallic clang that had him launching to the far corner of the hut, all his senses attuned to the possibility of danger. Yet after a tense moment with only the sounds from outside, Kagome's waning breathing, and his growl, there was nothing. 

He shook his head, ears twitching madly as he sniffed and returned to his previous position, eyes moving over the floor until he found what had caused the sound. Inuyasha leaned down, his eyes slowly widening as he shifted Kagome's weight to one arm to free one hand and close his fingers around the bloody handle. '_How did I not see her holding this? Hell, how didn't I _feel_ it?! Was I that fucking distracted? Wait… the shard and… oh gods, please not that…_'

Inuyasha sniffed the sickle, hoping against hope that he was wrong, but there was no mistaking that scent, "Kagome… who-?"

"I killed him," her flat whisper cut him off.

'_Oh fuck no…'_

"I'm tired, Inuyasha…"

His hand tightened on the sickle convulsively, nearly snapping the handle in half, "Don't you dare go to sleep on me, bitch!"

"There was blood… so much blood," she tried to curl into him, not listening as everything finally started to catch up to her violently disturbed mind. "They were waiting for me. At _my_ home."

Inuyasha swore violently and dropped into the well, Kagome was starting to shut down and he needed to get her to Kaede before that happened, "Talk to me, Kagome. You can sleep at Kaede-babaa's but not until then, do you hear me? What happened? Tell me who was waiting." '_Tell me anything, just don't stop talking!'_

Kagome's eyes slowly opened when she felt the shifting magic around her, her soul in tune to everything around her as, for the first time, she focused on the magic of the well. Her eyes mirrored the colors streaking past as she blindly memorized the feel, her mind racing over what she knew she had to do, "A puppet… and Kohaku… He killed my grandfather; he was going to kill Souta… my mother…"

Inuyasha swallowed hard at the sound of her voice; lost and emotionless, so unlike herself it felt like someone was twisting a knife in his stomach, "I should have been there."

"I set my own home on fire," her eyes clenched shut, hands fisting in his robes again. "I couldn't control it and I burned them. _I_ burned everything!"

"You're alive, Kagome," Inuyasha growled as he hit the bottom of the well on the other side. 

Kagome's head lolled back against the curve of his arm, her eyes gray and glassy when he looked down at her. She blinked, eyelids slowly lowering now that she had done the last thing she fought to stay awake for. Now she was in Inuyasha's arms, and he would keep her safe, she knew it, "Tell her I'm sorry."

"Her?"

"Sango. Tell her…"

Kagome didn't hear him shout her name as everything went black.


	4. Reflections on a Dry Pond

_Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares_

Chapter 4

Kagome sat on the lip of the Bone Gobbling Well, her eyes distant and unfocused as she let her mind drift on the cool breeze toying with her hair.

She finally understood why Inuyasha infallibly returned to the Goshinboku, despite the fact that he had been for all intents and purposes killed and imprisoned against it for fifty years. There was just something peaceful, almost meditative, in the feeling of sitting at the first place she'd come awake in this time. Something that helped to soothe her nerves, helped her to think…

Even now when it no longer served its function.

Kagome smiled faintly down into the dry well, sliding out of her sandals and putting them aside to feel the smooth wood and cool dirt against her feet. Her eyes drifted closed under the soothing pulse she could feel from the soil, one hand lifting to trace along the scar over her sternum.

Unbidden, her mind brought her the images from four years ago, seeing her younger-self staggering towards the well with single-minded determination.

~

_So much blood…_

_Kagome stared back at the trail in the dirt and grass and winced, knowing that the moment her friends had finished fighting with the weak youkai attacking the village that they would have no trouble tracking her down. They had been hovering since she finally woke, their eyes filled with silent concern, but relieved that she had come out of her comatose state. Inuyasha hadn't wanted her to move, even now staying close and pushing her back down gently every time she had tried to start lifting herself with murmured scolds to save her strength for healing._

_ He didn't understand…_

_ She had heard them talking at night when they thought she was asleep, all of them debating on whether Inuyasha should return her to her time and destroy the well. But she _was_ the only one who could sense the jewel, see the shards they needed to find so very desperately. That was the only thing that was stopping them, but they were trying harder every night to find ways to work around that._

_ Kagome couldn't let that happen._

_ She'd been biding her time for something like this… determined to carry through on her own plan before they could gang up on her and force her to do things their way. It was sheer stubbornness alone that kept her going, her weight braced on a convenient staff she had found against Kaede-sama's hut when she realized her body was still too battered and weak for how she needed to move._

_ Funny how she hadn't realized just how injured she was until now, so long after the fight with Naraku and Kohaku that had changed her life so completely._

_ But she couldn't stop without finishing what she'd set out to do, not when Inuyasha and the others would be able to figure out what she was doing and stop her if she didn't do it quickly._

_ Steeling herself against the exhaustion trying to press in on her mind, she stumbled on, mindless to the blood she left on trees and bushes when she caught herself on the random solid objects. It felt like forever, but the familiar clearing finally came into view, and Kagome nearly went to her knees with the wave of relief that swept through her._

_ It was the most bizarre thing, but the closer she came to the well, the less she could feel the pain and exhaustion that had been so very severe in her trek to this destination… Then again, she lifted her hand to her head with a slight frown as the grayish haze that seemed to always dance at the edge of her vision expanded, taking over to narrow her view of color like a tunnel._

_ However, she was not about to question the blessed numbness that made it easier for her to straighten and put the make-shift crutch aside as she reached the edge of the innocent looking well._

_ Kagome pressed her bloody palms flat to the wood, letting out a shuddering breath as she peered down into the blackness of the well. Almost as though it was aware of what she prepared to do, for the first time, she saw the bluish light spark and curl into a little vortex at the bottom to illuminate her pale face._

_ "Mama… Souta… Jii-chan…" her voice sounded hollow in her own ears, echoing back to her as tears slid down her cheeks, mixing with the blood of the reopened wound across her face and dripping down into that whirlpool below._

_ With every tiny spatter, the magic would ripple like water, the blue light turning deep purple where it struck before it smoothed back out._

_ "Forgive me," her eyes closed on the renewed wave of guilt that came with remembering. "If I had thought… I should have sealed the well and stayed here the first time I came through and knew Naraku had seen me here. If I had, he never would have come… Jii-chan would be alive and you would have… you would have been safe."_

She sucked in a deep, shaking breath, focusing deep inside herself to search for the same power that had rushed through her when she had fought back and killed both the puppet and Kohaku. She felt the rush of heat, a sense of light-headedness at the unfamiliar ripple when her magic obediently surfaced, crackling and snapping around her in whip-like traces. With the flicks of white-hot energy curling up and around her body, caressing and singeing grass and wood, she opened glowing eyes to look back down at the well.

"I don't belong there… This power of mine…" she choked off, swallowing hard before she continued. "They understand it in this time. I can't be where I can destroy everything I love… everyone I love if I get angry, if I lose control. I'll make it up to you."

Kagome's expression changed from desolate to determined as she leaned against the well and stared down at the magic, "I promise you that Naraku will be destroyed… and once the Shikon-no-Tama is complete, Inuyasha will use it to make his wish and all of this… this bullshit will be over. If I change the past, you'll be alive in the future… without me, but alive."

She sucked in a deep breath, her muscles going taut as she focused on sending her magic pouring over the sides of the well, moving in on the blue light in a curtain of heat before it mixed together and turned white… like lightning. The air turned scorching, but just like in the future, she remained unharmed in the heart of it, her jaw clenching hard as she blindly recalled the feel of the well's magic and sent all her will… all her soul into disrupting that rhythm and sealing it shut.

"KAGOME!!"

She frowned at the distant shout, momentarily faltering as her eyes slid off to the woods, "Damn…"

She was running out of time, and with that thought clear in her mind, turned her full focus into flooding the well with every bit of strength and magic she was capable of producing despite the twinge of pain it started in her healing wounds. "They won't stop me, Souta… I made a promise, and I'll keep it even if it kills me," she whispered, oblivious to the renewed flow of blood from her battered body as the dark streams dripped into the well and mingled even more with the violently roiling magic. 

"Kagome-sama, stop!!" Miroku's voice came from somewhere above her, raised over Sango's horrified gasp and Shippou's frightened wail.

'Kirara,' she set her jaw stiffly, knowing the fire youkai would have no trouble getting close and forcing herself that much harder. She had to do this before they reached her; before they could stop her from protecting what was left of her family.

"You bitch! What the fuck are you doing?!" Inuyasha's snarl made her cringe, but she still didn't stop.

She was so close, she could taste it, her magic shoving hard against the magic within the well and burning hotter, brighter. 'C'mon!! PLEASE!!' she screamed it in her mind as she felt the clawed hands seize her waist, but he yanked her back too late.

The light within the well exploded upwards like a geyser, sending all of them crashing end over end away from it as it started to whirl about madly. Kagome pushed herself up on her elbows, staring at the white tornado illuminating the dusk around them brighter than the sun at noon and whipping gale force winds off the trees in a deafening rush. 

Before their stunned eyes, the tornado began to break apart, magic pouring like waterfalls down around the well as it slowly melted down into wooden structure before shuddering once more and abruptly going black… silent.

Inuyasha shot to his feet, gaping at her and then the well and back at her, "You… what did you do?!"

Kagome slumped back, her eyes dull with exhaustion as the fiery tracers died down again, only a few snaking around her body, "I… made a promise…"

His eyes went wide, panicked as he rushed to the well and jumped in, her other friends making their way hesitantly to her side when the hanyou let out a shout of disbelieving fury.

"Kagome-chan… you…didn't…?" Sango whispered, unable to complete the thought as she knelt uncertainly at the younger girl's side.

Inuyasha reappeared in front of her almost in a blur, trying hard to appear angry while his eyes gave away his confusion and even slight horror, "You can't go back… The magic… it's…"

"Gone," she responded, her eyes closing as her body finally started to shake with her return to feeling. "They're safe…"

"Kagome-sama…"

'Safe from everything… from me…' she whispered blearily, taking in a deep, shuddering breath and let it out, her entire body relaxing as she let herself slip into unfeeling oblivion. 

~

"Safe," Kagome repeated, her hand lifting to her face to trace her fingertip over the jagged scar that ran from her left ear all the way across her face to her right eye. 

She took a deep breath of the clean air around her, looking down into the well again before lowering her hand to touch the white hand prints that had been left behind so long ago by her amateur spell. The only good thing that had come from her success while she was so untrained was that she hadn't simply sealed the well… she had utterly destroyed the magic connecting their two worlds, making it impossible for any of her companions –or enemies, in this time to reopen the portal.

Inuyasha had tried.

He'd forced Kaede to go with him to the well time and time again as she slowly recovered, growling that Kagome needed to be safe, and that the only way that could be certain was if she returned and sealed it from her side. But every time they returned unsuccessful, and Kagome would simply watch from her futon or where she sat in the grass outside the hut with Shippou keeping constant watch over her.

Miroku had even taken to "relieving" the little kitsune, sending him off to play with the other children as he took it upon himself to try and draw her out of her shell. She'd surprised him… hell, she'd surprised all of them when she'd finally spoken again, but then she doubted he had expected her to ask for instruction.

That had been the start of the unorthodox bonding. Whenever Sango was off by herself, more and more Miroku was actually listening to her requests for privacy, but then, with the loss of her brother, they had all become uncertain towards her again… and none more so than Kagome. To distract them both while Sango was away and Inuyasha trying to reopen the well, Miroku would instead keep Kagome company; assisting her with meditation and focus while her body recovered. 

Later, at her insistence, he moved on to combat.

Kagome smiled at the memory, turning her gaze down to the naginata within her hand's reach, leaning slightly to trail a fingertip down the smooth staff, murmuring as she brought her hand back to her lap, "We found another shard, Souta."

Her gaze turned back to the well briefly before she sighed and looked up at the sky, closing her eyes to let the warm sun relax her, "We're getting close now, I feel it. Naraku will be destroyed, and Inuyasha will get rid of that damned jewel for good when he wishes to become a youkai."

Silence met her soft declaration, but Kagome still continued the ritual she had formed throughout their resumed search, coming to the well to tell her family in general and her brother in particular what was happening. She liked to imagine them well, whole, her brother grown and worrying about the same things that had once plagued her own life before the surreal complications of the well.

Kagome bit her lip and forced her thoughts away from their melancholy path, well aware that it was one of the only emotions she still felt clearly, and not wanting it to influence tonight's nightmares, "I don't know what I'll do with myself when no one needs me, but Miroku's been such a wonderful teacher… I can control myself now, Souta. Tell Mama I won't accidentally burn down any more buildings, ne?"

Kagome paused when a shiver traced down her spine, the naginata instantly in hand as she sat with motionless poise, all her senses attuned to the source of the disruption and her aura crackling with controlled traces of magic. She waited with a faint frown touching her lips, ready to defend herself in an instant until the peace of the afternoon smoothed back into place. She let out her held breath and shook her head, '_Probably just a youkai wandering at the edge of the woods…'_

"If you could only see your big sister now, Souta," she muttered with more than a little self-disgust. "I've gotten just as paranoid as Inuyasha. I spark at every little thing that tweaks my aura. It's embarrassing… but it keeps me alive."

Her eyes warmed as she turned her attention back down to the well, "I know what I wanted to tell you… I don't want you or Mama to worry about me after all this in finally over. Miroku and I have been talking, and he says that if we survive and… and things don't go the way we both hope… Well, if it turns out differently, he says I can travel with him. Kaede-obaa-sama even says that we can stay in the village permanently if we want.

"Miroku's a… a good friend to me, Souta," Kagome's voice lowered, her gray-rimmed eyes shining with unshed tears. "Sango too, but… I don't feel right around her since I killed Kohaku. And apologizing just seems so impotent."

Kagome leaned back, fingering the vial of shards at her throat where the modified kimono she now wore gapped open, "It doesn't feel right to bother Inuyasha either. Since Naraku killed Kikyou and I broke the well, he's been distant… withdrawn. I feel so strange when I look at him now.

"My feelings for him haven't changed, but I feel… disconnected," she frowned as she tried to vocalize what she had been struggling to admit even to herself over the past few years. "It's like I'm watching him through someone else's eyes instead of my own. Maybe that's why I'm spending so much time with Miroku.

"Don't get me wrong, Souta, there's no way I could love him the same way I love Inuyasha, but I do still love him very much," she heaved a deep, frustrated sigh. "He's always there for me, cheering me up, or just holding me when my soul feels so cold. …And I do still want to get married someday, have a few kids, that whole thing. If I live through the fight with Naraku."

Kagome suddenly made a sound of disgust, wrinkling her nose as she straightened, "Listen to me! I sound so pathetic I'm making myself sick!"

She hopped to her feet, lithely stretching the kinks out of her limbs before picking up her weapon, kissing two fingertips from her other hand and pressing them to the pale handprints, "I love you, Souta, Mama, Jii-chan… I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, but I'll keep my promise to you no matter what happens," her fingers trailed loving off the well, and she whispered her farewell softly. "Get well, Souta. Ja…"

"Are you finished then, Kagome-sama?" Miroku's soft voice had her chuckling softly, eyes chiding and affectionate as she turned to look at the monk standing at the edge of the wood.

"How do you do that?" she turned her back on the well as the monk walked calmly to join her, his staff making a tinkling, soothing rhythm with each step. "Every time, you're here right as I'm ready to leave."

The stoic expression left his face as he smiled affectionately, reaching out to cup her chin and lightly pull her forward for a soft kiss. He leaned back and gave her a particularly charismatic smile as he answered, "It is in my best interests to know the pattern you take in speaking with your family. You take the same amount of time, and if I am here when you finish, I have a moment of daylight with you."

Kagome could feel the chill in her soul melt away slightly at the contact and smiled as she lightly swatted him on the head, "Hentai."

"Come," he chuckled and slid his cursed hand down her arm to clasp hers, pulling her close for an embrace before he turned to lead her back towards the village. "Inuyasha wants to leave soon, after he's checked the area once more, and I was sent to fetch you."

"Mou, you make me sound like a pet," she rolled her eyes, but laced her fingers with his easily. They would break apart like always before they reached the village, yet they were both aware how much the other needed the contact, the reassurance of a loving touch, an understanding soul.

Mutual pain and mutual rejection… 

Kagome slanted him a look and whispered to herself, repeating what he'd said to her a few nights before, "Better with a friend than alone, Miroku?"

His lips quirked in an affectionate smile as he reached back and squeezed her backside and returned her response, "Aa, Kagome… at least we both understand rejection."

They fell silent, both taking comfort in the easy camaraderie that had only grown deeper over time, letting it soothe old and new pain.

And both completely unaware of the golden eyes following their progress with painful realization, "Kagome..."


	5. Winds of Bitterness

Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all belong to Rumiko Takahashi...

A/N: Sorry about leaving this one hanging like that... RL came at me with a vengence and all that good stuff. LOL, at any rate, I know no one wants to hear details, so suffice it to say I'm hoping it doesn't happen again.

Utmost adoration to all my reviewers, you guys always make my days! And I hope you find the rest of this just as entertaining as you have so far. ^__~

_Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares_

Chapter 5

Miroku stared at Kagome across the campfire, his expression set in characteristic blandness as he watched her roll out her worn sleeping bag to spread out on before she wrapped up in a blanket from this era. The entire scene was rather appropriate for the woman's own situation: no longer from one time or the other, but somehow suspended in between both… on a different plane of existence than the rest of them.

Sango had already curled up, facing away from them, but whether she was asleep or not was anyone's guess. She was always so much more withdrawn at night, barely saying two words to any of them before she wrapped up against Kirara and went to bed up until Miroku had begun to insist that he take second watch. On the every other night she traded with Kagome, the exterminator simply made herself scarce with patrolling until it was time to return and wake the monk for his shift. She was always asleep by the time Kagome jolted awake from her regular nightmares.

Poor Shippou was another story. The little kitsune had hit a growth spurt, and the group had learned the main reason for kits to stay with their parents nearly to adulthood. He could barely stay awake a full six hours without looking absolutely exhausted, and at night he slept so deeply that the time they _did_ have fights, he hadn't so much as twitched. Since he'd hit the spurt, Shippou spent most of the day napping on Kagome's back, or on Miroku's shoulder unless Kirara was transformed and giving him that fuzzy, highly comfortable option.

'_Although…_' Miroku glanced at the snoring kitsune thoughtfully, sighing in resignation when he realized he was close to being too big for his latest set of clothes. He absently made a note to speak with the girls about getting the boy new clothing as he settled in to take the first watch, wanting Kagome to at least try to sleep tonight. '_If he had any idea of the hell Kagome suffered at night, he would be worried. It's probably better that he sleeps through them._'

Kagome was sighing, her eyes focusing on him for a moment as she curled her hands up under her cheeks, lost and even pleading as they locked onto his. He hated that look, but it was there night after night… and no amount of comfort seemed to take away her nightmares. All he could do was dip his head and let his eyes warm with loving reassurance that he would be there when she invariably woke up.

She relaxed slightly, smiling at him in silent thanks before she burrowed down in the blanket and rolled to put her back to the fire. He continued to watch her until he could clearly see the rhythm of her breathing change, but no sooner had it smoothed out to the deep steady breath, his view was obstructed by a familiar, blood-red hakama.

Miroku tensed, his instincts screaming a warning that for Inuyasha to be here, when his ritual for every night in the last four years was to be out searching, meant that whatever the hanyou wanted couldn't be good. That he'd obviously been waiting for Kagome to fall asleep, and come directly to him, made him even less inclined to be optimistic.

"Follow, bouzu," he growled out in a low whisper meant for Miroku's ears only.

Miroku frowned, lifting his eyes to Inuyasha's set expression and murmuring back, "Inuyasha, it's late and-"

"That wasn't a request," Inuyasha cut him off with sharp impatience. "Walk or I'll drag you, it makes no difference, but you _are_ coming with me."

The monk swore under his breath, but nodded and rose to his feet, shooting a discreet, concerned look at Kagome's sleeping figure before looking at Sango and then off into the woods as though only checking their surroundings, "I can't go far, Inuyasha. It's my watch."

Inuyasha flinched, his attention intent enough on the monk to have caught the subtle difference in the way he was looking at Kagome. His fists clenched so hard his knuckles turned white, and it was only by some miracle that he hadn't punctured his own palms with his claws. How could he have missed this? When had he gotten so distracted that he'd missed seeing the way Kagome had changed? The way she'd withdrawn? …Or turned to Miroku?

He turned on his heel before he gave into his urge to slam the monk's head against the trees until he'd forgotten his apparent infatuation with the miko, _his_ miko. That could wait until they were far enough away to escape the notice of the others.

Inuyasha didn't have to fake the harsh, suppressed anger in his voice as he hissed out impatiently, "Move it. I haven't got all fucking night to waste on you."

Sango lay perfectly motionless, keeping her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm as she waited for the sounds of Miroku and Inuyasha to disappear into the woods before she finally opened her eyes.

Kirara's head lifted, blinked sleepily and rumbling a question when the taijiya slowly pushed herself up to a seated position. Sango reached out to stroke the youkai's cheek and soothe her with a whispered, "Easy… go back to sleep, Kirara. I'm not going out of the camp tonight."

The transformed cat watched her for another moment before sighing and laying her head back to the ground to resume her rest. Sango continued to pet her a moment longer, her eyes unfocused and introspective before they turned to find Kagome's slumbering form.

Sango moved silently, coming to her feet to pad around the soft grass and slowly kneel down beside the miko's head, reaching out to brush an overlong strand of her bangs out of her face tenderly. It wasn't often that it was just the two of them anymore, even if they were at a city or bathing, but Sango still couldn't say what she wanted to the miko's face, "Kagome-chan… I'm so sorry…"

Kagome shifted restlessly in her sleep, almost as though picking up and feeding off the uncertain guilt of the taijiya watching her with pain-filled eyes. Sango's eyes clenched shut when she rolled onto her back, but after a moment, she forced herself to turn her gaze back to the vicious scar marring her friend's face, '_If I had killed Kohaku… or if I hadn't stopped him all those times… Forgive me, Kagome-chan, you lost your family… your entire world… because of me. Because I couldn't let go._'

Sango's lips twisted in disgust as she shifted, tucking her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them to hide her face as she whispered, "I've got no right to be angry with Inuyasha for every time he's made you cry. I was always angry with him for hurting you… choosing a dead shell with Kikyou's face. But how was I different, Kagome-chan? Kohaku was already dead too."

Her shoulders shook as she fought to contain the pain slowly eating away at her soul, even after so many years. All she had to do was look at Kagome, see the changes and the scars and she was reminded. She owed Kagome a debt she could never repay for taking advantage of the miko's soft heart to feed her selfish desire to pretend her brother was still alive under Naraku's control... that she could find a way to save him. Naraku would have killed him anyway when his usefulness had passed, and still she had held pointless hope.

Her head lifted, shining eyes returning to Kagome's face, "You should hate me. Maybe I wouldn't hurt so much if you would just yell at me, Kagome-chan, if you would scream or beat at me. Why don't you accuse me of destroying your family?!" she demanded in a harsh whisper that broke as the tears finally slipped past her attempts to hold them in. '_Why couldn't you have yelled? Why did you have to apologize to me? It was _my_ fault!! My responsibility!'_

She swallowed hard against the feel of her throat closing, her stomach turning with nausea with every hated, disgusted thought, '_Why, Kagome-chan? It's my fault you lost them… Why couldn't you hate me the way I hate myself for what I've done to you?! After all you've done for me…'_

Sango buried her head in her hands, shoulders shaking, "Why did you have to cry for me?"

~

_Miroku eased down onto the rocky shore of the still lake beside Kagome's motionless form, unable to hide the concern in his eyes as he looked at her moonlit face, "It's late, Kagome-sama…"_

_ She was silent for so long the monk was about to grab her shoulder, shake her, anything to snap her out of whatever daze she was trapped in. Yet just as he started to move, she finally responded… Nothing moved but her lips, her eyes grey and unblinking as she stared at the low hanging moon, and her voice dull, disinterested, "Is it?"_

_ "Kagome-sama, what is happening to you?" Miroku closed his eyes; forcing himself to be calm when he wanted to scream at her, slap her, anything that would get a real emotion out of her. He wanted so very badly to banish whatever darkness held her soul and bring back the Kagome their group had come to love… but he didn't know how._

_ Not since she had healed enough for them to start searching again._

_ Inuyasha was absent more often than not, searching ahead for rumors or scouting for traps, but whenever he _was_ near, she would pretend._

_ She would smile, laugh, yell…but if he were to really look close, he would have seen that the spark was gone from her changing eyes. Eyes that had once been vivid, sparkling blue-grey now dull and flat, steadily losing that unique blue to a thick rim of solid, unfeeling grey._

_ Miroku was the only one who had looked…_

_ To his eyes, Kagome was playing her part._

_ It wasn't that she did anything _wrong_, just rather like everything she did had been rehearsed to perfection. The passion and fire that was so intrinsically Kagome had bled away with the magic that ruined the well and left this… this performer behind in her place._

_ Yet, Inuyasha was distracted enough that the change had gone unnoticed, or maybe the hanyou didn't want to see what was in front of him. Miroku didn't know, but whatever it was, Inuyasha showed no awareness or acknowledgement to the alteration, and with his habit of racing off at night, he was oblivious to the nightmares that plagued the young miko._

_ "You should go back to sleep," Kagome was saying softly, avoiding his question as a cool wind swept in off the lake. With the butchered kimono she was wearing, she should have at least shivered, but the only movement was the thick curtain of glossy hair, "The sun will be up in a few hours."_

_ "You need rest more than-" Miroku broke off suddenly, letting out a slightly choked sound of pain when a twinge shot from his cursed hand up to his shoulder. His gaze dropped down to it immediately, clenching his fist mechanically and gripping the sealing beads as a wave of cold fear snaked through his stomach._

_ Kagome's head finally turned towards him, her brows lifting as she prodded lightly, "Miroku-sama?"_

_ "I… I think… you should return to camp, Kagome-sama," his voice lowered harshly as he gripped his wrist, feeling it spasm and pulse until a tiny curl of wind seeped from the edge of his glove. '_So it ends with me…'_ his eyes were filled with regret as he looked up at Kagome's slowly focusing gaze._

_ Her brows furrowed in confusion, "The void…?"_

_ "My time appears to have expired," he interrupted her quiet murmur, reaching over with his good hand to squeeze her closest knee. "I would have liked to seen the end to this, but at least-"_

_ "Shut up."_

_ Miroku stopped abruptly, his eyes filled with shock at the wealth of emotion in her voice… the most honest emotion he'd heard from her in months. The wind from his hand were gaining strength, tugging at their clothes as he watched her eyes fill with vibrant rage, "Kagome-sama…"_

_ "That's it?" to his amazement, a spark of flame entered her eyes, and she leaned up to tangle her hand in his robes. Miroku winced and the way the air around her heated, the telltale traces of magic snaking down her arm and snapping across his chest._

_ His eyes widened when she came to her knees, the aura around her fluctuating suddenly, wildly. He had wanted her out of her desolation, but this…?! The ferocity of emotion suddenly blazing in her eyes was almost frightening, "You have to get away from here… if you don't-"_

_ Miroku let out a startled shout when Kagome's hand slapped against his, her fingers lacing together with his and clenching fiercely. He didn't know how, but their palms stayed pressed together, Kagome somehow bypassing the effect of the air rip. All around the winds increased, nearby branches creaking as they started to draw towards them, "No."_

_ "What are-?!"_

_ "I'm finished, Miroku," Kagome cut him off with a low growl, the tracers changing from sporadic to a more focused stream down to where their hands met. She couldn't have explained it if she tried, but one minute she'd felt the same as she had for nearly a year, unfeeling, dead inside… going through the motions of living, but more from habit then desire._

_ The she'd felt Miroku's fear, felt the sudden rise of wind centered at his hand._

_ Something snapped._

_ She had seen everything from that day flash through her mind, again hearing Naraku's voice whispering in hear ear, mocking and sickeningly triumphant. Looking at Miroku's face as he stared at his hand, she'd felt that same sudden flash of power that had hit her that day, the instant knowledge of what she had the power to do._

_ "Naraku took my fucking family in the future, Miroku," Kagome's eyes sparked and began to glow as her rage deepened. "That bastard isn't going to take anyone else away from me!" _

_ Miroku went taut when he felt the change in her magic, his hand burning from the inside of his palm, and the feeling slowly spreading out to the tips of his fingers before slowly making it's way up his arm, "Kagome-sama!?"_

_ "He can't have you," her hand squeezed tighter on his, her other hand lifting to press over his heart as her eyes closed in concentration. The magic spiraled through him, in a dizzying rush that punched the breath from his lungs, nearly doubling him over the smaller girl as the searing heat expanded through the rest of his body._

_ '_So this is what it feels like… being purified by a miko,' _he thought distantly, gripping his forearm as though he could stop the painful sensation through that action alone. The wind from the kazaana added to the energy pouring off her gave Kagome a nearly wild appearance as she focused on him… on finding the corruption of Naraku's curse and purifying as much as she could._

_ There was a full frozen moment in time when Miroku thought not even Kagome's power was enough, but before the thought had fully concluded, his palm rippled and then began to pulse in a completely different way. Almost instantly the world around them went into a stagnant pause, but then the wind abruptly reversed, spiraling back into his hand... calm and quiet as though it had never been disrupted at all._

_ Miroku sat gasping, shoulders shaking as he continued to stare at Kagome's sparking figure, her jaw set hard as she stayed focused on smoothing a slightly subdued flow of magic through his body, '_She… closed the void…? It feels… so much smaller.' 

_Kagome didn't let go of his hand for a long time, determined to work as much of the kazaana backwards as she could. Her entire body started to shiver as the heat from her magic faded, leaving her cold all the way to the core of her soul. She crumpled wearily, bracing her weight on one fist while she clasped her other over her heart and fought to re-center her spinning head,_ 'Maybe I should start paying more attention to how to use my magic…'

_Kagome was vaguely aware of Miroku staring at his hand, massaging his palm as though it ached, and with a deep breath to brace herself, she reached out towards him, "Miro-?"_

_ She never completed to breathless question._

_ Miroku's hand snapped out and caught hers, yanking her forward and off-balance to fall against his chest while his mouth fastened over hers in a hard kiss full of desperate gratitude… and something else._

_ They broke apart in a rush, staring at each other with nearly identical expressions of stunned amazement._

_ Kagome lifted a hand shakily to her tingling lips before trailing it down to her racing heart, '_He… that…'

_Miroku had opened his mouth to rush out a heartfelt apology for probably the first time in his life under these circumstances, when Kagome's fingers suddenly pressed to his own lips to prevent it, "My… first kiss." He couldn't prevent the way his eyes widened as he searched hers, seeing the old shy sparkle back in her eyes as she leaned close, a faint blush coloring her cheeks as she moved her fingers away and pressed a feather-light kiss to his mouth._

_ Miroku's hand tightened where he hadn't released hers, the other lifting to gently cup her face and turn it up for him._

__

~

"She isn't yours."

Miroku's thoughts snapped out of the distant memory, the faint smile that had been gracing his lips melting away as he met the banked rage in Inuyasha's golden eyes across the small clearing the hanyou had led him into, "Kagome-sama is not anyone's to claim."

"By human standards," Inuyasha's brows lowered dangerously, unable to stop the growl in his throat at the warmth still in the monk's eyes. '_You were fucking thinking something about Kagome…'_

"She _is_ human," he tightened his hold on his staff instinctively at the shiver of menace he felt roll down his spine. Inuyasha was looking at him with a deceptively flat expression, but his eyes were gleaming with something perfectly dangerous that had all his senses on alert.

Inuyasha shot forward before Miroku had the chance so much as flinch, closing his hand chokingly tight around the monk's throat to slam him back against the nearest tree with a violent snarl, "If you've touched her-!"

"What?!" Miroku's hands grabbed at Inuyasha's trying to pry his fingers open and make it easier to breathe. His own temper rose sharply, letting the frustration of hiding his growing care for the miko from everyone add to his resentment, "If I've touched her, you'll fucking do what?! Kill me? Yell at her? _What?!_"

"What happened to your fucking infatuation with Sango, hn?" Inuyasha hissed back his own question rather than answer, reveling in the instincts that had his anger feeding off the monk's, and pulling him away from the tree only to slam him back against it harder than before. "You have a bitch, you can damn well keep your perverted tongue out of mine!"

Miroku's eyes widened and he sucked in a sharp gasp, "What?"

Inuyasha leaned in close, his eyes narrowing to slits, "You kissed her… at the well."

He tensed, his eyes searching the hanyou's nearly feral expression, "You were spying on us?"

Inuyasha spun around and flung the monk to the ground, sneering and fighting against the voice in his head telling him to rip the man apart, "I was protecting _my_ fucking miko, bouzu! _MINE!!_"

"You've never been there before," Miroku challenged, rising to his feet and holding his staff up in a defensive stance. "I fail to see how it's any of your business what she and I do."

For a moment Inuyasha was certain he was about to lose his control completely, but he managed to hold back a split second before he actually launched himself at the monk. His eyebrow was twitching rapidly with suppressed rage as he ground out in a barely understandable voice, "If you don't back the fuck off of Kagome, bouzu, Sango's going to have more than enough to cut your heart out over."

Miroku's eyes flashed with pain, his jaw clenching for a tense moment before he admitted in a subdued tone, "I have spent seven years being rejected, Inuyasha… as Kagome has been rejected. Sango is there, but not really there. My feelings have not changed, but there comes a time when one must move on to a more welcoming embrace."

Inuyasha's eyes widened slightly in disbelief before he caught himself and twisted his expression back into a scowl, his lip curling back off his fangs as he denied fiercely, "Kagome hasn't been rejected."

Miroku's brows rose, a glimmer of disgusted anger going through him as he challenged, "Is that so? What the hell do you call all those years of Kikyou? In your selfish goddamn mind, Kagome was only allowed to look at you or you'd fucking blow up. But you…? _You_ could do whatever you pleased… You don't even look at her more than you have to since she was cut."

Inuyasha was on him again, this time slamming the monk to the ground with his knee braced on the staff and putting his weight into it; had Miroku not been straining against it with both hands, the wood would already have been slowly crushing his throat, "You have no _fucking_ idea what you're talking about."

"It's clear to all of us," Miroku snapped back, forcing himself to keep his expression taunting, confident. "You don't even stay to protect her at night. You don't know that when she wakes up, I'm the one who's holding her and making her feel safe."

Inuyasha sucked in a hiss, his mind blanking at the thoughts that instantly flared to life at the smug smirk on Miroku's face… the challenging words. His voice was low and deadly as he leaned down and growled out, "You aren't going to have to be afraid of that fucking void much longer if you've done what you're suggesting, bouzu…"

Miroku readjusted his hands on his staff, readying himself for the hanyou's reaction to his next response, "If Kagome and I have chosen to be intimate, it's our own business, Inuyasha."


	6. Danger in Numbers

_Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares_

Chapter 6

Inuyasha had never felt the levels of anger he was experiencing now.

He was as still as a statue, looking down at Miroku without the slightest hint of an expression on his face. His eyes were another story, cold and darkly furious as he watched a single bead of sweat trail down the pinned monk's forehead.

Miroku forced himself to swallow, keeping his eyes on the hanyou above him rather than give into the instinctive urge to turn his gaze to the clawed fist that had been slammed to the ground. So close to his face that he could feel a sharp twinge along his cheek. It was disconcerting to feel the blood trickle back towards his hairline, admitting to himself that he hadn't seen the hanyou move until he was hearing the crack of soil bare centimeters away from his ear.

Inuyasha finally broke the suffocating quiet, the growl almost inaudible, but deadly just the same, "I didn't kill you the first time you tried to steal her from me… that first time you attacked and stole our shards.

"I didn't even kill you when you touched her inappropriately, or when she told me she loved you," his lips drew back in a sneer. _She said she was kidding then… how the _fuck_ did this happen?!_ "Because _she_ would have been upset…

"It has become painfully clear to me that I should have gone with my own instincts to rip out your fucking perverted heart and shoved it down your throat," his eyes sparked scarlet. "Kagome would have recovered eventually... and you would have never had the opportunity to do anything with her."

"Kagome hates killing," Miroku dared to interject, wondering even as the words left his mouth if they were going to be his last.

"She's done more than enough of her own killing," he snarled back, leaning down closer. "Kagome understands when it's necessary, bouzu; Kohaku's a perfect example of that. He was someone none of us thought she would ever be capable of killing, but she did it to protect her family… herself."

Now the monk's own expression darkened, "You have no right to talk about what happened before, Inuyasha. You have no idea how much that fucking eats her up inside where she won't let anyone else see."

"But she would do it again," Inuyasha moved his fist from beside Miroku's head to close over his throat, restraining his urge to crush the delicate flesh under his palm with obvious effort. "Kagome is a survivor… a fighter, just as much as the rest of us are even if we didn't want to see it before she was attacked in her home. And if you ever, _ever_ suggest that I have 'no right' where that bitch is concerned, bouzu, I am not going to be responsible for my reaction."

Miroku was dying to attack that arrogant remark, but he was well aware that this was the last position to be in for that kind of argument, "She's changed, Inuyasha. If you weren't so wrapped up in yourself, you would have seen the same things in her that I have… you would have known she needed help."

"I let you teach her how to fight," Inuyasha's growl was gaining volume, his muscles twitching as his temper burned hotter with every damning word out of the monk's mouth. "You were supposed to teach her to defend herself the human way, not get fucking infatuated with _her_."

"I am not infatuated with Kagome," Miroku denied defensively, gripping the hanyou's hand and trying to take pressure off his throat. "We are friends, Inuyasha. Close friends."

"Do you think I can't smell what you're thinking when you look at her? Since I watched you kiss her that's all I've been able to focus on, the way you smell whenever I catch your eyes on her," Inuyasha brought his knee onto the monk's stomach, digging into the muscle with his weight to see his expression twist with discomfort. "Close friends don't _fucking_ kiss, and they sure as hell don't get hard thinking about it."

Miroku set his jaw, but there was something in the hanyou's tone that –to his absolute horror- had the blood rushing to his face, "I told you, it's none of your business what we do. We're adults, Inuyasha; we don't need your approval."

"If I smell you inside Kagome, you're never going to get the chance to father any offspring, you fucking bastard," his hackles spiked immediately, fangs fully bared and eyes darkening to brutal red.

He hated to say it… hated it because he knew it sounded like a defense, an excuse to get him out of harm's way, but it was the truth, "Kagome is still very much a virgin. It would not have been appropriate for us to do such a thing now."

Inuyasha fell silent again, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as they searched Miroku's face for any hint of deception before he seemed to find what he was looking for. He was one his feet again, dragging the monk upwards by the throat and shoving him up against a tree yet again. "You've touched her for the last time, bouzu. I'm watching you now, and if I see so much as a longing look, or that fucking hand make one move towards her, _one_, I'll break you."

"You a damn hypocrite, Inuyasha," Miroku's brows lowered angrily. "Kagome can't have you, but she can't have anyone else either? You won't be happy until you have Kagome adoring you. All while you pine away for a dead woman you've put so high on a pedestal in your head that Kagome can't help but fall short, and I doubt even Kikyou herself could live up to it if she was still living."

This time Miroku managed to jerk his head to one side as the hanyou's fist slammed into the wood, splitting the tree under the force of that punch. "If you were anyone else, bouzu, you would already be dead for that," Inuyasha's eyes speared into his, unblinking and enraged.

"Kagome talks to me," he retorted quietly, his own body taut as he stayed on alert for more of the hanyou's outbursts. "She openly admits to me what she's afraid to say to you. What she's afraid of having to live up to in your eyes just to get you to acknowledge that she's good enough to be in your esteemed company."

"Kagome doesn't have to fucking 'live up' to anything," he insisted furiously. "I don't want her to be Kikyou."

"I'm not the one you need to convince," Miroku smiled coldly, oddly satisfied at being able to finally shove this in the selfish hanyou's face. "And how are you going to make Kagome understand that when you won't even look her in the eyes? You think she doesn't notice that shit? That it doesn't hurt her to think you can't stand the sight of her face now that she has that scar?"

Inuyasha's eyes widened, then just as abruptly narrowed as he snarled, "You _know!!_ You fucking know why I can't look at the scar! I _wasn't fucking **THERE!**_ ...And I should have been… If her magic hadn't broken open like that…"

"Why haven't you told _her?_" Miroku repeated slowly, starting to relax as he felt some of the deadly tension easing out of the hanyou with their change of focus. "I've seen you ripping trees apart when you're remembering, Inuyasha, but has she? And if she has, do you ever tell her why? All she knows is that you don't look at her."

Inuyasha abruptly released him, backing away as his gaze smoothed back to gold and turned introspective, "She has every right to hate me for failing her. I was a fool… I should have _known_ Naraku would do something like that! I should have known that she wouldn't be safe."

Miroku took a deep breath, biting his lip as he reached out and lightly set his hand on Inuyasha's shoulder, "You have to talk to her, Inuyasha. If you want her to…" he broke off and let out a weary sigh, _So I really will end up alone…_. "She loves you."

He turned to look at Miroku, his body tensing and expression wavering with affronted anger as he watched for any sign of pity. When the monk's expression stayed mild, stoic, he relaxed slightly and looked off into the woods before he growled out with poorly concealed hurt, "She kissed _you_."

"Inuyasha… Kagome and I offer each other comfort," he explained with quiet patience, his eyes dropping to the grass beneath his feet rather than the hanyou in front of him. _This is the way it should be… Kagome belongs with Inuyasha and I am…I… _"You have never tried to kiss her," he reminded him.

Inuyasha was silent for a long time, folding his hands up into his sleeves as he fought with his own guilty conscious before demanding in a flat voice, "When?"

Miroku didn't pretend to misunderstand, but instead glossed over the incident neither he nor Kagome had spoken to the others about, "About a year after the well was sealed. You were not the only one who had troubles sleeping at night."

Inuyasha flinched at that, his ears flattening back, "Kagome can't sleep?"

"She has nightmares," he admitted after a moment's hesitation. _I'm sorry, Kagome… it's high time the others know what you go through at night._ "She wakes up… every night after midnight. And she's cold, Inuyasha… she's always so cold…"

Inuyasha turned to look at him, his brows drawing down low in concerned disbelief, "What? How long has this been fucking going on?!"

Miroku sighed heavily, stepping back to lean against the same tree Inuyasha had held him pinned to only a moment ago, "Since the well."

Inuyasha gaped at him, blinking silently for a moment before that dangerous growl started all over again, and he turned to face the monk completely, "Since the well? Since the _fucking_ well?! Why hasn't she said something to anyone else? To _me!_ She never said anything before I left for the night!"

"She is… embarrassed by them," he offered for lack of a better way to describe Kagome's hesitation. "But they have been growing worse, changing… She refuses to speak of them, but when she wakes her eyes are empty and her aura is… unhealthy."

Inuyasha looked stunned... actually, stunned wasn't quite the word Miroku would have used to describe the look that crossed the hanyou's face, but it was the closest comparison his mind could tag to it quickly. Immediately following that, however, came the return of fury, "And you didn't think that was worth fucking mentioning?!"

"Kagome asked me not to say anything," Miroku explained, obviously uncomfortable with his confession.

"_Fuck_ that!" Inuyasha spat, stalking close and fisting a hand in Miroku's robes and yanked him up to be absolutely certain their eyes were locked. "If you're saying it's making her aura unhealthy you should have come to me right away!"

"She believes it would make her an obligation to speak her dreams out loud," Miroku stayed calm through the hanyou's anger this time, knowing deep down it was made easier to appear unaffected by the odd emptiness crawling through his soul. He knew this altercation was bringing an end to everything he had shared with the miko over the past years, and he reverted to his bland external appearance to hide the hurt that realization caused, automatically gripping the wrist holding him on his toes. "Kagome has trouble believing we see her as an equal, Inuyasha. She has grown, but there is still a part of her that cannot let go of the girl she once was. She retains her doubts the same way she retains her guilt, no matter how many times we reassure her, or she proves to be an asset."

"Kagome's no obligation," Inuyasha dropped him for the second time in favor of prowling impatiently back and forth. It galled him to stay, to continue prodding the man he still wanted to rip apart, but he needed this information. Unfortunately, circumstances had changed… now it was Miroku who knew her best.

"Do you have any idea of the woman Kagome has become?" Miroku queried, unaware that he'd almost completely summed up Inuyasha's own thoughts. "You can't run away from your own guilt and come back to find everything the same. She grew up while you were "gone," Inuyasha…"

_And ran to you_, he wanted to snip back, but bit his lip to refrain from reminding the monk of his relationship with Kagome. He felt a renewed wave of jealousy, averting his face to keep Miroku from seeing how it hardened his eyes, "Your scent has been stronger on her… I thought it was just that I was gone at night, but you've been touching her, haven't you?" 

"It's the only thing that seems to calm her," the monk looked back in the direction of camp, only a faint hint of a frown giving away his inner turmoil. "I hold her in my lap; to warm her, let her know she's safe."

Inuyasha stood silently yet again, his eyes shifting in response to the rapid fire thoughts chasing through his head before he finally broke their mutual introspection, "Go to sleep, bouzu. She won't need you tonight."

Miroku closed his eyes, that part of him that was filling with regret at losing that source of comfort that had been so constant growing even stronger. Yet he nodded respectfully to the hanyou and pushed away from the tree to start back towards camp, "She will wake soon. Be careful that you do not startle her… she is always disoriented, and she will know the arms around her aren't mine."

Inuyasha bit back a growl, sending Miroku a cold glare, "Kagome isn't afraid of me, Miroku, and she'll _never_ mistake me for you."

Miroku ignored the almost uncertain fear beneath that insistence, tightening his hand on his staff as he continued in his direction, "She never has."

~

Kagome jolted awake, reflexively curling into a tight ball with her hand clenched over her heart as she panted hard and tried to reorient herself. _Just another nightmare…_she silently chanted to herself, taking comfort in the tangible feel of her scar beneath her shaking fingers. Her heart was still where it was supposed to be, the numbness in her body dim under the aching coldness, and her eyes still brining her a tiny splash of color through the widening grey haze…

She forced herself to breathe, deep and slow the way Miroku insisted on whenever he was coaching her through her panic. Her breath caught, brows furrowing in confusion when that thought actually processed and made her aware of what was missing, "Miroku… Miro-?"

She broke off, going perfectly still when she felt arms wrap around her from behind, her eyes widening and gasp caught in her throat, _This isn't-?!_

"You should have told me, Kagome," Inuyasha's quiet whisper at her ear had her heart lurching abruptly, nearly stopping at the shock before she whipped around to gape at the hanyou in disbelief.

"I-Inu…yasha?" Kagome's voice very nearly failed her, unthinkingly lifting a hand to brush his cheek as though reassuring herself he was real.

Inuyasha's ears flattened back, his heart clenching painfully at the tone in her voice as he carefully wrapped his arms around her to pull her more securely into his embrace. He hadn't realized how literal Miroku had been until he felt her skin, the deep, deathly chill that permeated her body from head to toe and changed her eyes to flat, dull grey, "Why did you hide this from me?"

Kagome stayed stiff against him for another long moment before her eyes squeezed shut, her in-held breath rushing out shakily as she slumped bonelessly against his chest. It wasn't a motion of relaxation, rather just the complete release that would come from pure exhaustion, from a body too tired of holding itself taut for so very long. Inuyasha lifted a hand to the back of her head, rocking instinctively as she shuddered and tried to tuck into a little ball again, her fingers twisting over his heart and pulling at his haori as though she would climb inside if given half the chance.

He tried to stifle his elation at her actions, especially given the gravity of the situation, but something inside him just couldn't help but love this. Kagome had known instantly that he wasn't Miroku, and she hadn't been afraid of him –surprised yes, but not afraid. However, she was wrapped up so tightly in his arms, it was possible that someone looking at them would miss her completely. With her clinging to him so fiercely, it was easy to pretend it was all for him. Easy to pretend that she would only let go so completely in his arms and forget all he'd seen and heard from Miroku.

His chin dropped on her head, curling his legs around her to tug her even more securely into his chest in an effort to warm her icy skin, "It's okay, Kagome, I'm right here. Nothing's going to hurt you when I'm here."

Kagome's body was starting to warm, her shivers slowly subsiding as he held her and murmured comfortingly in her ear. She was almost afraid to speak, loath to possibly ruin the peace of being in Inuyasha's arms, but reality was beginning to sink in, and with it came the questions, "What happened? Why are you back so early?"

Inuyasha let out a heavy sigh, pressing his cheek against hers, "I didn't leave."

Her eyes opened, confused as she pulled back to look at him, "But… you always…"

He kept his eyes on hers, Miroku's accusation about his inability to look at her, and her misunderstanding of why still in the front of his mind. But he was unable to stop the guilty sadness that filled his expression when his eyes traced the scar almost of their own volition, "I never would have left you alone to deal with this, Kagome. You shouldn't have kept this secret."

Kagome's shoulders hunched self-consciously, but she couldn't tear her eyes off his, transfixed by the emotions chasing over the vivid gold of his own eyes… the only vibrant color she had seen in three years. Her voice was a quiet murmur as she defended her actions, "They're only dreams, Inuyasha."

"Do you have any idea how cold you are?" he frowned at her in disapproval, his hands clenching where he held her. "This isn't _just_ dreams… Not when you wake up like this."

She shivered, leaning up to slide her arms around his neck and fit her chest to his, "It goes away."

Inuyasha sighed, shifting his weight back to brace himself against the tree behind him, "That doesn't make it all right."

Kagome trailed one hand down, pressing it to his heart shakily and reassuring herself with that steady beat beneath her palm, "Can… can we not talk about this? I just… want to be like this… and hope it's not a dream."

His eyes clenched shut painfully at that hesitant, pleading whisper, dropping his chin to rest on her shoulder, _She wouldn't be thinking that if it was Miroku… _"I'm not a dream, Kagome."

She laughed softly, "You don't know that. And I can't tell anymore."

"What do you mean you can't tell?" Inuyasha was back to frowning, turning his head to murmur quietly in her ear. 

"They're… always so real," Kagome closed her eyes again as she felt his warmth seep deep into her soul, soothing her heart from its frantic pace and bringing her a sense of peace that she'd nearly forgotten existed. "I can't tell if I'm awake or asleep until I wake up. Sometimes not even then."

He folded his legs into a cradle around her, setting his jaw to keep from snarling out a demand for clarification at that insufficient answer, but unable to fully prevent the way his body tensed, "How long has it been like that?"

"A few years, I don't know," she shifted until she had urged his head up enough that she could tuck her own underneath it. _If this is a dream… The hell with it, I'm not asking questions, I just… I've wanted to feel this for so long._

Inuyasha hadn't realized that something so little, or that seemingly innocent could have made his heart ache quite so much. But Kagome's natural search for comfort and reassurance had every last one of his protective instincts coming to the forefront of his mind and making him agonizingly aware of just how severe his mistake had been, _How could she possibly think she should have done this alone? Doesn't she have any idea how dangerous it is for her to feel like this?_

"Inuyasha?" Kagome whispered tentatively.

"Hn?"

"Can… can we not talk anymore tonight?" her voice was almost too quiet to be heard… shy, uncertain. "I just… will you stay?"

Inuyasha felt his chest expand with his pleasure at that request, sliding one hand around to cup her chin and tilt her face up as he moved back, "You want me to stay?"

Her cheeks darkened, and she bit her lip, "You don't have to. I understand if you need to do something-"

Kagome cut off with a gasp of shock when Inuyasha dipped his head and closed his mouth over hers, her arms tightening around his neck in pure reflex. As the shock faded, his lips parted hers to delve deeper and her body softened, practically melting to fit against his. When he finally leaned back, she felt her eyes sting with tears and kept them tightly closed in an effort to hide it from him, "Now I know I'm still dreaming."

Inuyasha cupped her cheek in his hand, sliding his thumb over the scar, "Then let me make it a good one, Kagome."


	7. Straight to the Heart

_Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares_

Chapter 7

Kagome stared numbly down at her chest.

Or rather… the tentacle that had just rammed through it.

_This is new…_ Kagome's hand lifted, the last of the color around her bleeding away until her vision was left stark grey. Her body lurched when she felt the pulse inside her, drawing in a startled breath as her pupils contracted and she felt the necklace holding her shards break and slide towards her heart. Once they reached their destination, the pieces let out a surge of dizzying energy as they reformed with the corrupted whole that Naraku had just forcefully shoved into her chest. This was the first time, and probably the only time, she would ever feel the jewel fuse back together from inside her body.

She barely noticed the way she shook as her confused gaze lifted up along the motionless tentacle to Naraku's arrogant smile, _This… this is… all wrong… None of the other nightmares have been like this._

Kagome didn't see her friends, the battle frozen in disbelief all around them as she and Naraku stared silently at each other. She had known what he wanted, seen it in his eyes as he threw his other youkai into the fight against Inuyasha and the others to break her away from them, leave her vulnerable to him alone. But something deep inside had stopped her from fighting against it… she had felt almost compelled to allow it.

She's been ready, had every intention of shooting her purifying magic through him when he appeared so suddenly in front of her. Yet the Shikon-no-Tama itself had stopped her before she could let the arrow fly. 

He'd produced the nearly completed orb, the only missing pieces resting in the vial against her heart and letting off a warm pulse the moment it had come into view. Her bow had lowered, arms going heavy against her will as the darkened jewel hovering just above his open palm held her gaze perfectly transfixed.

"Can you see its beauty, Kagome?" Naraku's voice forced her own gaze away from the jewel and onto his face, to his eyes burning so intensely into her own. "Can you feel it calling to you? Even now _I_ can hear its whispers, its desire to be a part of the miko it was spawned from once more. A part of you…"

She shouldn't have responded, should have followed through with her original plan and attacked to bring an end to everything, but the words were past her lips before she could stop them, "Then return it to me."

"With pleasure."

Naraku had rushed forward, turning his palm as he did so to slam his portion of the jewel against her shards. That hand had shifted in an instant into one of the bizarre, tentacle-like spikes he was capable of creating, piercing through the scar and taking both shards and jewel straight into her heart.

And here they stood now; Naraku less than a foot from her with that cold smirk on his face while she tried process the unbelievable feelings pouring it her from the healed Shikon-no-Tama, as every beat of heart pulled the corruption from its core.

"How powerful are you to cleanse the jewel even through your own blood?" Naraku murmured in appreciation, twisting that spike inside her. "Even with your body dying, you are still so pure..."

Kagome showed no reaction to the violent twist, her body yet again as numb as it had been that first time she had fought with him one on one. Her attention wasn't even on the self-made hanyou in front of her anymore, instead turned inwards as the whispering started in her mind. The quiet voices were overlapping, tumbling together over and over, making it impossible to distinguish real words. All she knew was that whatever was in her mind, it was all coming from the Shikon-no-Tama.

Naraku ripped the tentacle from her chest, his hand reforming coated in her blood, and the gleaming, completed jewel glowing bright with purified energy back in his palm. The blood and the jewel hissed against the corruption permeating his skin, bringing a dark edge to his unwavering smile and piercing eyes, "It will be my to my utmost satisfaction to take you into me when you die, Kagome… With such power, I may even allow you to serve at my side."

Without the tentacle in her chest, Kagome slumped to her knees, her eyes still wide in her pale face and fading completely grey under the steady pump of her lifeblood from the gaping wound. Her hand shook as she lifted it to press against the hole, not acknowledging that she'd heard him while her gaze finally dropped to stare at what he'd done to her. She opened her hand slowly, drawing it out into her line of sight and staring at the thick, grey liquid with a sense of surreal disbelief.

'Everything fades to grey, little miko, when the life dies…'

Kagome was distantly aware of Inuyasha's violent, desperate scream of enraged denial, her friends' voices raised to call her name, and Shippou's shattered cry… but it all seemed so far away from her now.

She felt Naraku moving away from her, felt the heat rise inside her even as she disturbingly, unexpectly 'felt' the Shikon jewel scream inside her head under the filthy, dark energy that was slowly seeping back into it. It was crying out to her, just like he'd said, reaching out in an effort to hold on to her soul and free itself from his hands.

_Am I dead then?_ she wondered with disconnected confusion, staring blankly at the grey tones on her bloody hand.

'Were you ever really alive?' the whispers were beginning to clear, repeating the words that had echoed in her mind time and time again in her nightmares. 'You know what happens next, Kagome…'

Kagome lifted her gaze to the battle in front of her, eyes cold and lifeless as she watched Naraku re-enter the fray to keep her friends away from her and prevent them from stopping the mortal blood loss. It was just like in her dreams… practically feeling as their energy echo all the way to her bones as they were steadily weakened under the relentless assault of Naraku and his youkai.

'There will be death, Kagome.'

Inuyasha was slammed violently into the sheer mountain face at his back, Naraku's laughter filling the air as he toyed with the failing group.

**_You are the heart of all this…_**

'Do you even know what your purpose is yet, Kagome?' the whispers had changed, four voices now clearly speaking but still overlapping and oddly out of synch with the others.

Kagome looked back down at her hand, whispering the single thought that entered her mind with a sense of confusion, "The heart…"

**_The Shikon-no-Tama reappeared with you._**

'Will you stop time? Alter destiny?'

Kagome heard a pulse inside her head, a heavy throb over her own heartbeat as her eyes lifted again to her companions. The grey of her eyes slowly rimmed with pale, pale pink as she first found Shippou, struggling valiantly to hold his own with the weaker youkai. She didn't even realize she was the one speaking until she felt her lips move, heard the unfamiliar words tumble from her lips as though they'd been waiting there to be spoken all her life, "Nigi… the spirit of Shin…"

'Do you truly think you are powerful enough for that?'

The rim of color spread faintly, the pulse in her head growing stronger, drowning out the sounds around her as she turned to look at Sango with the same slow precision. Her eyes started to gleam with inner fire as she watched her long-time friend throw the Hiraikotsu with a desperate, wordless yell. That same odd flare of knowledge skated through her mind, the words speaking through her from something that had long laid dormant in her soul, "Saki… of Ai…"

'Do you know?'

The chill, numbing feeling that had permeated her body warmed slightly as her gaze turned to Miroku next, his expression strained from the poison he'd taken in, but determined as he was finally forced to seal his hand and stop to rely on his staff. She was barely aware of her voice growing stronger, that wakening power changing from a vague burn into a bright flame in her chest as she murmured, "Koshi… of Chi…"

'Will you live after your purpose has been served?'

The consuming heat inside her flared abruptly to life, the sound of that pulse inside finally blocking out everything else as her gaze fell on Inuyasha.

The hanyou she had freed… fallen in love with…

Inuyasha was fighting more violently than the rest, the landscape already ripped to pieces from the Tetsusaiga and his attacks. He was tearing through Naraku's youkai left and right, dodging the tentacles and stubbornly struggling to take the impossible victory as his focus shot to where she knelt every other moment, watching her kimono soak through with her own blood. She could see his eyes.

Bright, vibrant gold in her world gone grey; filled with fear, concern, relief that she was still looking at him, still alive. 

But she could see his pain, and underneath that the spark of love that she had failed to see for so very long. The look she had been willing to die for.

"Ara… the spirit of Yuu," Kagome's expression changed, filling suddenly with fierce determination as her eyes left her companions and returned to Naraku.

Back to the Shikon-no-Tama.

Kagome gritted her teeth and forced her numbed body to obey the command her mind gave it to rise as she glared at the nearly black jewel, "And a heart… a core…" 

She felt her magic spark, rising visibly in slow arcs from her feet and steadily climbing higher to roil about with leashed wildness at her waist. Each new flash of energy gave rise to a puff of wind that rippled her filthy kimono and tossed her hair up high with gaining force as her hand fisted over her punctured chest. _Maybe you had it right after all, Izumo-san…_

Kagome flung out both hands, her magic exploding in streaks to race along the ground, blasting her companions out of the way as Naraku shot out his tentacles to put an end to their lives. She saw him turn, saw the surprise chase across his face as he darted away from that fiery energy, even as it snaked around him in a wide circle to single out his youkai and melt them to nothing.

At the same moment she was trapping Naraku in place, however, traces of her magic separated from the main force to lance out and wrap around her companions. The streams of crackling energy poured through them in heavy, debilitating waves, absorbing and collecting the essence of their very beings before arrowing back to where Kagome stood, unmoving except for the way her hair and clothes whipped about in the unnatural wind.

Kagome's head snapped back when the first wave of that magic slammed into her, saturated by Shippou's spirit and moving through her rapidly to find every tiny hole in her aura and fill it in. Her throat worked to swallow the instinctive scream of pain, her face tightening in the only other physical manifestation of that stinging agony.

When Sango and Miroku's spirit energy blasted through her, she stumbled backwards, both hands coming up to clench over her heart as she felt her soul melding with theirs smoothly, making her feel whole while her magic swelled beyond anything she'd ever thought possible. But it was Inuyasha's spirit that made her feel like her soul was being ripped apart…

Kagome lost her hold on the control that kept her silent, dropping to her knees again and letting out a violent scream as her hands moved from her heart to grip the sides of her head. The magic that had been dancing around her body exploded upwards in a wild vortex, lashing out to melt the ground around her with vivid iridescent rainbows of color lacing through the overall shimmering pink… the same shade as the purified Shikon-no-Tama.

It seemed like an eternity before the scream wound down, leaving behind a stunned, tense silence broken only by the hum and crackle of magic whipping the winds around Kagome into a fury.

The tautness left her limbs, letting her body roll forward as her aura swelled and pulsed heavily, the missing pieces of her soul completed by everything her energy had pulled out of her friends. She felt whole... for the first time she could remember, every corner of her being felt full, and she simply sat back to soak in that feeling for a moment before her eyes opened to reveal the same dramatic color as her magic.

'Now do you understand?'

Kagome panted softly, her palms flat on the scorched earth as a calm understanding flooded through her, "Yes…"

'Then you know what must be done.'

Kagome slowly pushed herself to her feet again, her eyes lifting to Naraku with single-minded purpose. She could feel her friends from the parts of their souls she now held inside her, knew they were trying desperately to move through the magic that held them frozen, _her_ magic, but she needed them out of her way.

She already knew they wouldn't understand.

They would try to stop her.

Naraku was watching her with wary curiosity, trapped just as absolutely within the circle of magic as her friends. But while they had been restrained and forced to do nothing but silently watch the scene unfolding in front of them, he was free to move inside the circle. Yet he remained motionless, holding the corrupted jewel to his heart, eyes narrowed and cold while the air between them turned hot, painful in its strength.

Kagome pressed her hand to her ruined chest, the blood still grey to her eyes, but ignored as she quietly murmured, "You are holding something that does not belong to you, Naraku."

His brows drew low, "The jewel is mine, miko. It has always been mine."

She actually laughed at him, the sound quiet and falling flat as she shook her head, "I knew you were a bastard, hanyou, I just hadn't realized you were a fool as well."

Naraku's eyes filled with dark anger as he demanded sharply, "Who is the fool here, miko? I have already won and you," he gestured to the blood still pouring freely down her chest with every heartbeat, "you will not live out the hour."

Kagome began to walk closer, each step carefully measured as the grass under her feet melted into black ash, "You've won nothing. You said it to me yourself, Naraku, don't you remember? It was in front of me the whole time and I was too blind to see it."

She could feel the confusion sweep through her friends at her softly spoken words, everything about her behavior rising questions in them; their feelings nearly equal to the looks chasing across Naraku's borrowed face before he hissed out, "Explain yourself."

She finally stopped, less than five feet from the man who'd caused so much destruction, so much pain, "The Shikon-no-Tama was reborn in me… In _me_, Naraku. But I never thought to really ask why."

The look in Naraku's eyes changed, filling with a faint stirring of unease while his brows drew together and he scowled at the diminutive miko sparking in front of him.

Kagome leaned closer, her eyes narrowing with dark rage as she held her hands in front of her, gathering a gleaming ball of magic, "I want my souls back."

She heard the roaring in her head, the shock and even fear that swept through her friends as she shot forward and forced that collection of pure magic through him. One hand snapped up to close around the corrupted jewel and continue on, returning the attack he had performed against her a disturbingly short amount of time ago. Kagome felt the shattering of flesh and bone, her magic behind her in a solid rush forward as her aura clashed viciously with Naraku's powers through the jewel.

Naraku's hand was around her throat in an instant, lashing out over and over in a tangle of spikes and magic that left long, deep furrows along the exposed skin of the two combatants. Kagome ignored it, her body still unfeeling as she forced her hand deeper, fisting it even more tightly as she used the borrowed souls mixed with her own aura to increase her strength until it was more than enough to combat the complete blackness permeating the jewel.

She had known… it was strange, but even as she had sent out her magic to collect the energy from her companions and restore the balance of her soul, fill in the holes left by its removal, she had known she would need this. Naraku's filth, his impurity, could only be met and overpowered by the Shikon-no-Tama. The _pure_ Shikon-no-Tama.

By her.

She could feel the thick, almost oily aura around the jewel starting to shudder under the onslaught, unable to hold its taint with her hand around it, her aura pouring everything she had into its very heart. And each pulse sent an echoing ache straight to her core.

'Were you ever really alive?'

The whisper repeated in her head as her eyes closed, blind to look of hate and rage on Naraku's face, blind even to the feeling of pain and screaming denial from her friends as she felt the magic ripple along her skin, as they watched her fight alone.

The Shikon-no-Tama beat strongly in her hand, warming to the familiar feeling of her soul and letting its power be drawn back into her body. With each new beat, Naraku's hold slipped away from it, and the borrowed auras of her friends began to seep out of her, streaking across the ruined ground in rivers of molten light as their usefulness expired. 

Four souls too many…

Kagome jammed her fist even deeper, feeling the jewel purify in her hand as her knuckles brushed against the flesh of his heart. She didn't turn, didn't even flinch when the tentacles tore from Naraku again, spearing her through her already broken chest, her stomach… multiple wounds that were each more brutal and mortal than the last.

Her lip curled in a sneer as she felt the fluctuation in the souls around her at the assault, Inuyasha's voice raised loudest as he roared out in horrified fury, "_KAGOME!!!_"

Her eyes opened, locked on Naraku's, but her voice clearly directed to the hanyou as she murmured, "You know what to do, Inuyasha…"

She didn't have to see him to know what expression took over his face when she spoke. She could practically taste the pain, the indecision that filled the hanyou's being at her flat order, the disbelief and violent desire to rebel against every rational thought going through his head. He did know…

Naraku smirked at her coldly, "He won't do it, Kagome."

'Will you live once your purpose has been served?'

Kagome's smile was just as cruel as she responded, "I'm already dead."

"He's had one lover die," Naraku reminded her in a mocking tone, leaning down to whisper it inches from her mouth, almost as though he were about to kiss her. "He will not be the one to kill the other."

Kagome's eyes closed briefly as a faint trickle of blood escaped her lips, but there wasn't a hint of hesitation or weakness in her own voice when she finally answered that challenge, "Then I'll kill us for him."

Inuyasha felt the Tetsusaiga shake in his grasp, humming with energy as a bolt of searing magic flared around the hilt. The familiar, yet foreign magic hovered in a throbbing spiral before it shot downward to pierce his forearm, connecting him with the sword as completely as if it was an extension of his own body. He didn't have the time to be shocked by that, his alarm caught and held wholly by the way the sword drew his arm back as though preparing for a swing.

"_**NO!**_"

Kagome's lips curled in a dangerous, confident smile when she saw Naraku's head jerk up, eyes wide where they locked onto Inuyasha, "Look at it, Naraku."

His head snapped down to hers in disbelief at her manipulation, attempting to retract his tentacles and make his escape, only to find them stuck fast within her, "You fucking _bitch!_"

Inuyasha felt the rush of power, the swirls of youki roiling together as the sword began to vibrate no matter how hard he fought against it. He didn't know how he knew -probably something left behind from the early immobility, the draining rush and then odd connection she had caused before, but he knew she was the one holding the sword, "Kagome, _stop it!_"

"Destruction, pain, fear…" she repeated the words that had filled her head in her nightmares over an over since the attack on her home, words that had changed her entire world. His own words…

"I'll rip your body into so many pieces not even your hanyou will be able to find a scent from your remains," Naraku's eyes burned hatefully as he tried to do just that, yet her magic, and the power of the Shikon-no-Tama still prevented that motion.

"Four souls around a core, Naraku," she whispered as she felt the winds increase, Inuyasha screaming at her even as the Tetsusaiga swung around in a powerful arc, releasing the Cutting Winds. "There's no room for you in my existence… and you are not the soul I chose to give my power to."

Naraku's own roar of desperate fury was lost as the glowing tracks of power rushed closer, straining ferociously against the miko holding him in that deadly path.

"Can't you see how beautiful it is? How pure? There is nothing in all the world that is more honest than this," her other hand lifted to slam through the hole she'd created in his chest, reaching in to clench around his heart and squeeze. "You thought nothing of the lives you destroyed… Felt nothing. It's your turn to feel the purity you admire so greatly, Naraku."

Inuyasha felt frozen inside, cold and helpless as he watched the energy race towards the miko holding Naraku in harm's way, but his heart clenched when Kagome turned her face back to look at him, her eyes emotionless… like a jewel… His soul turned to ice when he heard her whisper, "Bakuryuuha."

"Kagome! _Kagome, **NO!**_" Inuyasha would have shot forward, but the feeling left his legs and sent him crashing face first to the ground, as though he'd been subdued without the damning word. He was snarling with feral, frantic rage, his head snapping up just in time to catch her eyes and to see her mouth two words: 

_"I'm sorry."_

Kagome turned back to Naraku, leaning against his chest as though she was embracing a lover. Her voice whisper soft as the first wave of magic reached them, "This time it's you who breaks…"

The Bakuryuuha wrapped around Naraku and Kagome's magic, imploding for one brief moment in time as it clashed and consumed the full force of the energy in its path before igniting outwards with earth-shattering force. The remainder of their group flung back with brutal strength amongst the whipcords of blinding light and scorching heat. 

Inuyasha's eyes were open, locked on the black silhouette in the heart of the blast until he felt his head crash into something hard and unyielding, turning his entire world black.


	8. A Little Taste of Heaven

_Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares_

Chapter 8

The first sound that penetrated Inuyasha's consciousness was the most annoying buzzing sound somewhere above his head, his ears twitching in agitated response as his mind swam up through layer upon layer of heavy grey haze.

The second was Shippou's shaky voice, "He's moving!"

Inuyasha's brows scrunched up, growling low in his throat and baring his fangs instinctively at the ache that started behind his eyes and rapidly spread to the rest of his body with every bit of clarity that returned to his disoriented mind. His arms twitched, claws pressing hard to the cool grass at his sides as he forced his protesting body to lift, "The fuck-?!"

"You shouldn't be moving," Miroku's voice entered his awareness next, joined by the light hand pressing gently to his chest that he imagined was supposed to keep him down on his back.

Inuyasha smacked the hand away impatiently, forcing his heavy eyelids to open despite the gritty, almost burning sensation holding them closed. For a moment everything was blurred, hazy and stragely greyed, but he blinked furiously and ground the heels of his hands against his eyelids in an effort to correct his vision. When he pulled his hands away and tried again, the monk's concerned, pale face finally came into view and he muttered in a subdued voice, "I'm fine. Back off."

Shippou was in his face next, his eyes huge and demanding reassurance as his little claws circled Inuyasha's wrists and bit deeply, "What happened? Inuyasha, what _happened?!_ Where's Kagome?!"

Inuyasha's eyes snapped open, headache and pains forgotten as his thoughts worked furiously to catch up with everything that had happened. He straighted, instinctively lifting his face as he scented the air and repeated dumbly, "Kagome… Kagome!!"

"She's gone," Miroku's caught his arms in a shockingly strong grip before he could do more than shoot to his feet, the hanyou already turned in the direction where she had last been with every intention of tearing off after her scent. "Inuyasha, don't! She's… We already looked."

Inuyasha shook him off violently, snarling as he turned and leapt across the hideously disrupted earth. He could hear his own heart thundering in his ears, chest tight with ominous foreboding as the blackened rubble raced past in a blur. _How fucking far did you throw us, Kagome?_ he wondered with a distant sort of emptiness, eyes stinging suspiciously.

To his surprise, he jumped the lip of the newly formed crater only to find Sango kneeling at the very center, her head bowed and hands fisted against her thighs. He came skidding to a halt beside the taijiya, swallowing hard before he could trust his voice to sound halfway normal, "Sango?"

She jumped slightly as the sound of his voice snapped her out of her silent reverie, brushing the back of her forearm over her face to wipe away the evidence of her sorrow before she stood and turned to face him, "You're awake?"

He blinked, studying her face silently, the signs and scents of crying obvious and painful all on their own as he fought down his rising fear at her behavior and answered in an even more subdued tone, "Just… just a moment ago."

Sango nodded, folding her arms over her stomach and looking back at the center of the crater, her eyes filling with tears that she couldn't contain all over again. She shook her head, gaze unfocused and filled with pained, apologetic misery when she choked out her thoughts aloud, "We keep… we keep looking… but I can't… we can't-"

Inuyasha reached out awkwardly and grabbed her shoulder in an effort to comfort the taijiya, his ears flattening back as he cut off that lost rambling, like a child… like Kagome had been when her grandfather was killed. He couldn't take the sound of her voice like that, her words only digging deeper into his heart and filling him with dread, "Go to Miroku. He needs you."

Sango gripped his hand, squeezing hard in silent gratitude before she turned and walking with slow, shaky steps to scale the steep edges of the deep crater. She paused at the top, turning to look back at the hanyou standing so still where she'd left him, his face hidden by the thick curtain of dirty silver hair as he stared at the same point that had held her transfixed earlier, "She was… like a sister to me, Inuyasha… I never thought it would end this way."

Inuyasha nodded silently, keeping his face averted to hide his own empty eyes from Sango. He couldn't look at her when he answered, nearly silent, "It wasn't supposed to end this way."

He heard her footsteps moving away from the crater, his eyes clenching shut as his knees gave out and he slowly sunk to the ground. His claws dug deep into the scorched soil, biting down hard on his lip to keep from howling out his rage, his desolation. He wasn't even aware the rebellious tears had started to fall until he felt the tiny wet splash against the backs of his hand.

Kagome's scent was faint at the center, but there was no path… no direction left to indicate she'd been anywhere but here. Right at the heart of the Bakuryuuha's deadly power…

"It shouldn't have worked for you, Kagome," he gritted out, hands clenching into hard fists. He twisted, slamming his fist against the ground so hard he heard his own knuckles crack from the force of it, but he felt nothing. Nothing but the unbearable squeeze around his heart, the chill that swept through his soul, "You should never have been able to do that! To control my own _fucking_ moves!"

Inuyasha shook his head violently, reaching up to grab at the rosary around his neck, panicking for a moment when his fingers met nothing but cloth. Nearly frantic, he tore at the collar of his kimono, claws mindlessly cutting shallow wounds into his own skin in his haste to get it out of the way and search beneath for that one tangible connection to the young miko. His fingers touched the warm beads against his skin and he felt the desperate fear ease… only to change to complete and utter shock as his fingers trailed down to the lowest point.

He gripped the rosary and dragged it forward, his eyes dropping in disbelief to gape at the perfect little sphere that had replaced several of the rosary beads.

The Shikon-no-Tama.

~*~*~

Inuyasha stood as still as a statue at the edge of the crater, his arms folded deep in his sleeves as he kept watch over the little ravaged valley. He had acknowledged the monk walking forward to stand at his side only long enough to assure that he wasn't a threat before he'd re-attuned his senses to the world around him, trying to find some measure of peace in the mild summer afternoon.

Miroku watched Inuyasha's impassive face out of the corner of his eye, waiting for any sign from his friend, some vocal greeting or even insult that would open their meeting, but the hanyou didn't stir, didn't even blink. Turning his dark, somber gaze away from Inuyasha's face, he finally let his eyes drift to the black crater in front of them, lifting his hand in prayer for a moment, silently, respectfully… regretfully. 

Sighing softly, he closed the prayer when he felt the warm breeze trace across his cheek like a caress, encouraging him to finally be the one to break the despondent atmosphere that clung to the once peaceful valley, "Kouga probably won't recover his vision in his right eye."

Inuyasha stirred enough to shrug, showing how unconcerned he was with the news. He'd known the youkai had received grave injuries fighting Naraku before he'd lost his own shards, but nothing in his soul felt emotion hearing about the recovery of the injured wolf he'd once feared to be his greatest rival for Kagome's affections. 

Miroku had been expecting that, but it still almost brought a smile to his face to see a response that was almost stereotypical of what the hanyou's feelings towards the wolf prince had always been. They had all known Inuyasha's heart where Kouga was concerned, and at least he knew now that even though he wasn't speaking, he was listening. His next offer of news was more positive, happy, "Sango's pregnant."

"Is she?" 

Miroku nodded with a soft smile at finally gaining words from Inuyasha, his hand flexing on his staff to fill the quiet with the gentle jingle of rings, "We're hoping for a girl."

The tightening across the hanyou's shoulders was the only sign of his inner turmoil at the softly spoken desire.

"Kagome would have gone crazy if she could hear this," Miroku's smile turned melancholy, but affectionate and tender at the same time. "She'd have been so happy."

"Why did you come, bouzu?" Inuyasha demanded quietly, no real heat in the insult.

He turned to look at Inuyasha's tense profile, sighing again as his eyes filled with genuine concern, "They worry about you, Inuyasha. _We_ worry about you. This isn't what Kagome would have wanted you to do with your life… staring at her grave and hoarding that stupid jewel. She wanted you to have it and use your wish to be happy."

"Save it," Inuyasha's voice was tired, so very different from how he'd always been, devoid of emotion while his eyes narrowed an lifted from the center of the crater to focus on some distant point across the landscape. "I heard it from all of you before, Miroku, and my answer hasn't changed. She left the jewel to me, and I'll decide to do whatever the fuck I want with it."

Miroku shook his head, reaching over to lightly touch the hanyou's shoulder before he turned to look back where Kirara waited patiently for him to complete his visit, "We'd like you to come to the village when the baby's going to be born, Inuyasha. It would mean a lot to Sango and Shippou if you came."

"I can't leave."

The monk frowned in mild exasperation, wishing not for the first time that things were different, and he could give into his urge to smack him over the head with his staff, "You can't live out the rest of your life staring at this hole in the ground. Kagome would have grabbed you by the ear and dragged you away long before now."

"She's dead, Miroku, she isn't going to be dragging me anywhere," Inuyasha's brows drew low, warning him away from the subject.

"I loved her too, Inuyasha. I know you hate hearing me say that, but it _is_ true. Had things..." he cut himself off before his thoughts could take him down that familiar, sorrowful path and shook his head to recenter himself. "It makes no difference. What could have been... but I know that she gave up her life to save _us,_ to ensure that our lives would be happy," Miroku's voice lowered. "Don't disrespect her sacrifice by wasting your wish… or your life."

"Go back to your mate, Miroku," Inuyasha dropped his chin to his chest, the growl rising low in his throat his only vocalization of the pain those words brought him as he clenched his hand on the hilt of the Tetsusaiga.

Miroku continued to stare at him for a long, silent moment before his eyes softened with melancholy understanding. He finally sighed and nodded, his voice steady and clear as he turned away to return to Kirara, "You know where to find us when you're ready to start living again, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha's ears flipped back, the only indication that he was still listening, and following the quiet sound of the rings on Miroku's staff until he heard Kirara give a soft growl and bound off in the direction of Kaede's village. When their scents had faded away completely, he let the rigidity leave his frame, slumping in defeat as his eyes clenched shut with the pain he refused to let anyone see, "Sango's breeding… pregnant, I guess humans call it, Kagome. Their pups won't be as beautiful as yours would have been, but-"

He swallowed hard when his voice failed him, setting his jaw so hard he nearly shattered the bones to keep from giving into the renewed tears that closed his throat and made his eyes sting.

Inuyasha had no idea how long he stood, nearly choking on the desolate emotions rolling through him in waves when he felt slim arms wrap around his waist from behind, holding him close as though they would keep him from breaking into a thousand pieces with that light touch alone. 

His spine snapped straight in an instant, his heart suddenly slamming in his chest when the familiar, light scent touched his senses. His hands clenched again at his side, gripping so hard the knuckles went stark white under the strain, but he made no effort to turn as he gritted out harshly, "Why?"

"Because it would have killed me to see you die," Kagome's voice came soft and gentle in his ear before he felt her forehead press against his shoulder, the arms around his waist squeezing him in a silent show of loving comfort. "If Naraku had used the Shikon-no-Tama it would have absorbed everyone, and I couldn't bear to watch that happen."

"You stupid bitch," Inuyasha let out a choked, painful laugh, desperately trying to hide the real emotions tangling violently just below the surface. "It was my place to die here if it was anyone's."

"Baka," her own response held only peaceful affection as she reached up to tweak one ear before sliding her arm back around his waist. "Didn't you ever listen to a word I said? You were never meant to die, or even be sealed for that matter."

Inuyasha flinched, ears flattened back in abject misery, "Kagome…"

She sighed, tugging on him lightly to urge him to sit down with her, her fingers gliding through his hair when he followed her direction and sat between her outstreched legs with his back lightly resting on her chest, "There were so many things I wished I could have told you before this happened."

He leaned his head back, turning slowly to look at her as though terrified that if he looked she would slip through his fingers all over again. Something deep inside him twisted all the way to his soul when his eyes locked onto her, hungrily taking in her gentle smile, her face once again flawless and unscarred. He stayed silent as his eyes moved over her face, devouring every line, every last feature as he memorized it over and over again, still desperately afraid that doing or saying the wrong thing would rip her away from him.

"I should have given you the jewel when I first came through the well," she broke the pregnant silence, shaking her head and giving him an apologetic smile. "That's what I was supposed to do."

That quiet confession was confusing enough that he couldn't prevent himself from voicing the hollow echo, "Supposed to…?"

Kagome's hands moved to his ears, lightly stroking as she tried to explain, her words measured and brows slightly furrowed as though she was speaking them for the first time herself, trying to understand the words that moved from her mind to her lips, "Naraku interrupted what was meant to happen. We… I mean, the jewel… felt your soul when you were with Kikyou. I… _it_ wanted to belong to you."

Inuyasha's eyes slowly widened, his senses letting out a pang of warning at the way she was wording her halting explanation. He twisted his body around, forcing her to adjust her position so he could face her, stare directly into her luminous eyes as he demanded, "We? Kagome… what…? What are you talking about?"

She reached out and lightly pressed her hand over his heart, "Four souls, Inuyasha. But in all the stories, they forgot to mention that those souls are held in by a core… a heart." She took a deep breath and met his eyes as she admitted, "I _am_ the Shikon-no-Tama… I was the heart that held the souls together."

Inuyasha shot up to his knees, rearing up to look down at her face as he shook his head in violent disbelief, "That's impossible! You're… you're fucking alive, Kagome, you aren't a jewel!"

Kagome reached out and lightly cupped his cheek in her palm, stroking her thumb along the curve of his cheek, "When Kikyou burned us, we thought we were lost. We were trapped in a void, and it took us five hundred years to figure out how to get free. The only way to do that was to be born… Born to a human body."

He was blinking, his eyes filled with his confusion and denial as he reached up and caught her hand tight in his own, some irrational part of his soul thinking that if he just held her she would stay even as he stubbornly insisted, "Then you're human."

"Something went wrong," she continued as though he hadn't made that rebuttal. "When I was born, I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do... Who I was supposed to find… but I knew I needed you. I didn't feel whole in the future, never... not completely. 

"The jewel was in me, and it woke the youkai in the well, opened the path to return me to the past," she held his hand where he'd taken hold of her, her other hand lifting to again stroke his face, trying to tenderly erase the lines of tension and strain. "It woke you, but I… I broke it before it could make me remember what I was there to do. I'd been human too long, and I fought it. I _wanted_ to be human. I _wanted_ to be alive."

Inuyasha's eyes searched hers, piercing deep into her soul as he whispered quietly, "Why?"

Kagome's own gaze was warm, shimmering and heavy with emotion as she leaned up on her knees and brushed a light kiss to his forehead, "Because of you. Don't you get it, Inuyasha? Everything... It was always because of you."

His eyes had closed again, unable to bear is own feelings echoed in her eyes, the muscles in his jaw clenching and jumping with those suppressed emotions, "Because of me?"

"I was born for you," she finally released his hand, shifting closer to be able to cup his face softly between her palms. "I was born to return to you and give you the jewel, your wish. The Shikon-no-Tama picks who it wants to grant wishes for, and if we don't approve of who holds us, the wish gets twisted… We wanted, _I_ wanted to be a part of you."

Inuyasha let out a shuddering sigh, his entire body crumpling forward until his cheek was pressed to her heart, wrapping his arms tight around her waist as her arms lifted to gently cradle him to her, "Kagome…"

"I made things worse when I shattered the jewel," she admitted guiltily, dropping her chin to rest on the top of his head. "It was even harder to remember, but I did something that I shouldn't have. I was too human, Inuyasha, and I fell in love with you."

His arms became almost bruisingly tight around her, clenching his eyes shut even harder and trying to take comfort in the scent of her all around again after so very long. After feeling so empty without her at his side, "I… wanted you to love me…"

"I know," Kagome kissed the top of his head, rocking him like a mother would a young child after a cruel nightmare. "I didn't know it with my head, _that_ was always confused… But I loved you from the start, Inuyasha, even when you were driving me crazy, I loved you."

His claws bit deeply into her skin, "Then don't go."

Her eyes saddened where he couldn't see, "Inuyasha…"

"_Don't!_" Inuyasha sat up abruptly, gripping her shoulders and yanking her up face to face with him. "You fucking said you were born for me, Kagome, that you were mine. You were alive! You were human! You were mine… you _are_ _**MINE!**_"

"Inuyasha, I'm not alive anymore," Kagome shook her head, her hands circling his forearms, still trying to bring him a measure of comfort with her touch while she denied his demand. "I returned to the jewel…"

"And you gave it to me," he growled out, his eyes stark his own emotions, releasing one hand to rip the jewel off the rosary and hold it out to her. "I want you out of it, do you fucking hear me, Kagome?! I want you _out!_"

Her hand gently closed his fingers over the jewel, voice whisper quiet as her eyes lowered to watch the jewel disappear from her sight in his shaking fist, "It doesn't work that way."

"Why not?!" Inuyasha snarled furiously. "It's my wish, I can wish for whatever the fuck I want and you have to give it to me!"

"Inuyasha, you saw what happened to me without the jewel," Kagome shook her head again, her eyes pleading with him to understand. "When Naraku held the pieces and corrupted them I was dying from the inside. I never knew why until it was over, but there's...so much I never understood. I _can't_ survive without it."

"If I make a wish, the jewel is gone," he reasoned out, fighting the urge to shake her, to make _her_ understand. "If you're the heart of it, then I can make my wish, and you won't have to need it anymore!"

She pressed her hand back down to his heart gently, willing him to comprehend her position as she chided him with another faint smile, "You're supposed to wish to be a youkai, Inuyasha. Then you're supposed to live out your life… find Kikyou when she's reincarnated or a nice youkai girl and make so many pups that you go insane."

"I don't _want_ any of that, you stubborn thick-headed bitch!" Inuyasha did shake her this time, his expression wavering between rage and absolute anguish. "I want it the way it was! I want you here, happy, arguing with me, sitting me, fuck, I don't _care_ what you do, but do it where I can have you close!"

"When you make your wish, the Shikon-no-Tama will absorb into you," Kagome offered, hoping that knowledge would bring him some measure of peace. "I'll be in a part of your soul, your heart… the way I always wanted to be."

"Not like that," he hissed out painfully, barely able to form the words with the way his throat tightened so severely. "We were supposed to defeat Naraku and find some fucking hut or somewhere to live. You were supposed to love me, we were supposed to have a normal life with normal fights, and more pups than Miroku and Sango could ever hope to make in three lifetimes!"

Kagome's eyes closed, a tremble rippling along her body so faint that he might have missed it if he hadn't been holding her as she ducked her head and whispered, "Don't… please, don't…"

Inuyasha's eyes filled with nearly frantic hope and he reached out, yanking her face up and forcing her to look at him, look into his eyes, "You haven't changed. No matter what happened, with Naraku or inside that fucking jewel, your soul was always your own and you _still_ want that life, Kagome. You still want to be alive."

"I'm not-" her eyes turned liquid with unshed tears, the earlier peace of her expression starting to crumble back into the open, candid emotions she had always so easily displayed.

"_Bullshit_, Kagome!" his eyes blazed with anger. "You're more alive than any of us ever were. You were what made us live, when _all_ of us would have lost our minds, or given up and died, we _lived_ because you forced us to! Just by being there."

The tears were starting to spill down her cheeks, the trembling growing until it was nearly visible, "Inuyasha, I can't…"

"Why?! The Shikon-no-Tama is supposed to grant a wish, _any_ wish for a youkai and now you're telling me you _can't?_" he clenched his fist around the jewel, glaring at it with as much hatred as he'd ever shown for Naraku before holding his fist out towards her again. His eyes and voice filled with fierce determination, when her own eyes closed, unwilling or unable to look at either him or the jewel, "I'll break it again. I'll fucking shatter it into a million goddamn pieces, but I'm bringing you back!"

"You can't break it again," she opened her eyes, blinking rapidly as she tried to clear away the tears blurring her vision, fighting to regain control of herself and her emotions. "I'm the only one who can do that… Inuyasha, please think about what you're saying? You only get one wish… And I only wanted you to be happy. All I _ever_ wanted was that. Wish for what you always wanted, Inuyasha… wish to become a youkai."

Inuyasha gripped her shoulders and hauled her up against him, wrapping his arms around her back and crushing her to his chest. His chin dropped to her shoulder, eyes closed and his mouth beside her ear as he growled out, "It's my wish, Kagome."

"And we're trusting you," she wrapped her arms around him to return the embrace just as fiercely, turning to press her face into his hair and block out everything else but him... "We waited centuries for you, Inuyasha. To be with you."

"Then don't fight me, Kagome," he whispered intensely, nearly swallowing her small frame into his own with how tightly he held her while his mind worked furiously to think of how to word his wish to the Shikon-no-Tama… to Kagome. "What good is a jewel that doesn't give you what you really wish for?"

Kagome smiled gently, sadly, running her fingers through his hair again as she reiterated, "I want to give you your dreams. I want you to be happy. It's all I ever wanted."

Inuyasha's eyes opened, a shrewd gleam creeping into the golden depths, "But you won't let me wish you back to life…"

"I'm sorry… I told you that it doesn't work that way," her voice was softly apologetic, full of regret for everything that could have been. "I'm not alive, Inuyasha. I was never _really_ alive. I was just a soul made for you… to give you what you had earned. I was made to give you everything you suffered for that was stolen from you."

"But you want what I want," his ears perked forward, heart starting to race. "You said it yourself, Kagome. All those years ago, and it hasn't changed. You want to be by my side forever, you want to be _alive_ to love me, you want-"

"We're talking about your wish, Inuyasha," she interrupted to remind him, but her fluttering pulse betrayed the feelings his words were stirring inside her.

_Please work…_

"Can't you admit it?" Inuyasha growled the challenge in her ear, his claws again biting into her skin with the strength of his hold on her, his need to feel her in his arms, to feel that she was really here in his arms... Really _real_.

_Say it…_ _I need you._

"You've always known how I felt," Kagome's forehead was pressed to his shoulder again, hiding from the intensity of knowledge in his eyes. Eyes that saw straight through to her own heart and made her shudder as she tried to banish the forbidden images from her mind. _I can't want, Inuyasha… I'm sorry._

"You owe it to me, Kagome."

She let out a tired sigh, suddenly exhausted by everything. He did deserve her honesty, after everything he had endured, she-_they_ owed him that, and she didn't want to hide from him. Her arms coming around his neck and her face pressing to his throat as she tried to memorize everything about him right at that moment, unwittingly doing the same thing he had done when she first reappeared, "What do you want to hear, Inuyasha? That I wish things could be different? That I didn't have to be the core and I really could be alive? That I could be with you the way I always dreamed? That I could be with you forever? …I can't have that. It's enough for me to know I'll always be a part of you."

Inuyasha's took a shaking breath at her words, drawing them jealously into his soul, and slowly opening his fingers one by one to stare at the jewel starting to flare up in his palm, "I think… I'm ready to wish."

Kagome nodded against his neck, her embrace tightening for a moment as she whispered hesitantly, "Kiss me good-bye?"

His mouth was on hers before she'd finished the question, moving over hers with consuming desperation; a pleading kiss that poured every last one of his hopes and dreams into her mouth, baring his soul the way he'd never had the chance to before. The hand with the Shikon-no-Tama slowly moved around, lifting to press the glowing jewel over her heart as he reluctantly pulled away and stared into her heart-broken eyes, "I love you."

_I need you._

The tears were sliding down her cheeks again, her hand lovingly cupping his face and lips quivering with the regret she tried to keep inside, "I was always yours, Inuyasha." She slid that hand down his body to his own heart, trying to smile and failing as she breathed out almost silently, "I'll be here the whole time. I'll always be part of your soul. Don't forget that," her body started to fade, the clear lines blurring as though he was looking at her through tears when she began to return to the jewel.

Every muscle in Inuyasha's body went tense, pressing the jewel harder against her chest before she could fade away from his sight completely as he clenched his eyes shut, gritting his teeth and letting his every hope, every dream flow freely into the Shikon-no-Tama.

_Please…_

_ ~*~Owari~*~_


End file.
